We are fastened to one another by fraying knots.
Mottled steel. I want to rid myself of you.
Shrug you off like a winter jacket on the first day of spring.
Breathe relief into the heavy air as I feel you slide away from me.
I don’t want you to be happy, I don’t think you deserve it.
But is there even a you to begin with? Are you sentient? Are you real?
Because you are not true. I know that much.
I know that you can make me feel unworthy and small.
I know that you have the power to change me.
Shift and model me into whatever your will suggests.
I know that this control you have over me is no one’s fault but my own.
I know that life would be much cleaner, much healthier without you.
You whisper insecurities in my ear then shout them to the world.
You tell me it’s not enough. Nothing I do is enough.
I reach for happiness and feel my fingertips graze atop joy’s ruffled edges. Just as quickly gone. You’ve pulled me away, back to reality. Back to misanthropy. You stunt my happiness in ways you’ll never care to know.
You will take and take and take until I am a husk.
An empty shell awaiting orders from its owner.
Because eventually you will own me. My person, my spirit, my life.
You are a festering sore upon my back. You cultivate deeper into me with each passing day. Each passing hour.
This is why I must bid you farewell dear ego. For it is no one’s fault but my own. These deep seated cries of sorrow you sow.
I cast you away from my soul, as I have so many times before.
No longer will I allow you to live at the forefront my will.
No longer will I let you inside my common sense or rational thoughts.
I will leave you stranded and wondering what happened.
Alone and desolate.
But how long will it last?