Out of his Chevy he had to hop,

For the deep down rumble just would not stop.

He foresaw the beginnings of an epic fail

Down on the freeway of Cowboy Trail.


I was awoken just this morning, with a call from my bro

Reliving quite the story; he said it was an all-time low.

If you choose to read the lines that I write here today

Keep in mind, this ‘aint a story of mere child’s play;


He was driving down the highway, singin’ some tunes,

Texting with his girl….they’re lovebird loons.

On his way to work, justa mindin’ his own

when  his stomach started doing a far-out groan.


The road he was traveling was busy and vast

His options were slim, and he had to think fast!

So he found a little nook, on the highways shoulder

And clambered on out, his stomach a boulder


Out of his Chevy he had to hop,

For the deep down rumble just would not stop.

He foresaw the beginnings of an epic fail

Down on the freeway of Cowboy Trail.

He tried to hide away from on-passers eyes

“They can’t see me here” were his candid lies

About to squat by the wheel of  Ol’ Red

When he realized that the ‘movement’ had already fled.


A 23 year old man, and an awkward dance

On the side of the route, with his shit filled pants

There he was squatting  on the face of the road

unsure of how to get rid of the rest of his load


He Peeled off his pants and his marble streaked britches

trying to avoid his reeking riches

“How did this happen?” he asked in a rant

“There’s no way I can show up like this to the plant!”


Out of his Chevy he had to hop,

For the deep down rumble just would not stop.

He foresaw the beginnings of an epic fail

Down on the freeway of Cowboy Trail.


With nothing between, the seat and his ass

he speed dialed his boss, faster than fast

“I’ll be a little late this Saturday Morn,

This drive provided, some problems be borne.”


There were no questions asked, at least there weren’t yet

Which cause the man a little less fret

It was over an hour to get back to his home

Where he’d wash out his Carhartts, and what had splashed back at his chrome.


He walked into his house, where his girlfriend stood loyal

And she washed out his socks that were spoiled with soil

‘What a good woman I got’ He thought with such splendour

‘I wonder if I could get her to scrub off my fender?’


Out of his Chevy he had to hop,

For the deep down rumble just would not stop.

He foresaw the beginnings of an epic fail

Down on the freeway of Cowboy Trail.


Finally, he was back on the road

With pants that were clean, and free of his load

That’s when he thought to call his sister and to tell her the tale

Of his unfortunate morning, out on Cowboy Trail.




My little green Tercedes, A dependable sort of car

Not a glow to look at, but boy has she taken me far!

My little green Tercedes, her surname; Toyota Tercel

Three hundred thousand klicks upon her, there’s no use in trying to sell.

I’d never get rid of Tercedes; she’s my first and foremost auto,

The chance that I came upon her, were as slim as winning the lotto.

Some people call her a shitbox, you all know who you are!

One day you’ll be ruing my shitbox, cause damn; she’s a steadfast car.

The children love Tercedes; they think of her as some sort of toy

Although never riding inside her, simply seeing her small body brings joy!

She takes an hour to warm up, and still frosts in the climate of spring,

When taking the time to scrape her, I realize my love for the thing.

Sometimes when her engine gets going, she lets out an awful bawl

Its sound is relentlessly ruthless, and I think it’s at this point she will fall.

But no she keeps on trucking  (no pun was intended with that)

And I realize the bawl that she lets out, is her- just wanting to chat!

Sometimes passer-by’s stare at my girl and make fun of her strident growl

I scream at them through her small window, ‘She scowls at you cause your fowl!’

She has traveled the roads of Alberta, more than a couple of times

Tercedes and I have been put in, some pretty precarious binds!

Tercedes tires are bare, and are balding…but as bold as bold can be

Although sometimes she is caught in big snowdrifts, she always in some way gets free.

Oh little pea green Tercedes, my memoirs of you are so vast

You were my first means of car transport, and probably will outlast my last!

Thanks for choosing me Tercedes, you will always be my first choice,

Thanks for dependability Tercedes, you give me reason to gaily rejoice!

Tercedes, you complete me.


My name is Elvis, a noble gnome, I’ve come from far away

Please help me with the duty I’ve brought to you  today.

There is a kingdom, far away that slight magic still lives in

A place that cannot carry on, without a child’s grin.

Yes, yes that’s you! So smile on, for my land is in much trouble

Oh so soon, it will only be a glooming heap of rubble.

The name of this place is Sarphia, once a lovely place to be

With echoes carried through the wind of laughter, love and glee

The residents of Sarphia are fairies, elves and gnomes,

We used to sing and dance and play, we never thought to roam

But then one dreadful dreary day, the magic flew away

The gnomes the fairies and the elves, had forgotten how to play

Now we never sing or dance, we cannot love nor laugh

Sadness soars all around, our world is only half

Why this scariness has happened is very hard to tell

We believe it’s from a lack of joy, from our Kindness Well.

And without this joy that was our way,  the only means we knew

We could not laugh to save our life… It now is up to you!

Hold on tight for now I will, take you to this land

That once was filled with delight, once it was so grand.

Do not be frightened, and nor be scared

It isn’t how it used to be, so make yourself prepared.

Quickly come and take my hand, and help me sing this rhyme

Put on a great big smile, for there is not much time.

Let us help the land of Sarphia, to bring enchantment back

We will ensure that once again, laughter will not lack.

 We are coming Sarphia, we will soon arrive

Do not fear Sarphia, our grins will make you thrive.

As you can see, this land is full of sorrow and of fraught

The only thing to save it, it something you have brought.

So open up your little hearts, that clasp so very much

Of the love and laughter  that holds the magic touch

Frolic round the gardens Well, watch it regain bliss

You’ll recreate the beauty, that once had gone amiss.

Rally round in wonder, dance and sing and cheer

Soon our beloved Sarphia will  be without this fear.

You’ve done it! You’ve saved Sarphia, our land is now regained!

You  broke the dreaded evil blight that had us locked in chains

To show our grateful attitude, for what you’ve come and done We welcome you to visit us, when you want some extra fun

If you’re ever feeling glum or board or even kind of blue

Open up this little book, and we will bring you through.

You are now an important part of our little world

We now  know you’ll help us, if again it comes unfurled.

Lars and Sophie, our gratitude is lots

From here out, you will live in our happy thoughts.

Farewell you two lovely kids, who we will always miss,

Remember you can always come, and visit with your  bliss!



My darling Lars and Sophie;

Today I would like to thank you, for simply being you.

A day never goes past, that I don’t think about how blessed I am

to have gotten you both in my grasp.

IMG_20120524_224219 IMG_20120524_224435

You’ve both came so far in even this last year, I sometimes wonder,

‘Where are those wee babes, I used to swaddle in my arms?’

But I am so proud of you,

For growing, developing and becoming so darn cool!


I know I sometimes poke fun at you.

But this is one lesson I can’t stress enough

You will get a lot further in life

If you can laugh at yourself.


I dare not worry about the moral lessons I’ve tried to instil in you,

Because you both have already exceeded my expectations.

What does the future hold, you may ask?

Whatever you’d like…I will do everything in my power (and probably beyond) to help you achieve your goals.

Whatever they may be!

party27 party49

Sometimes, we may not always succeed in our endeavours

This is no reason to quit…Only an opportunity to try

Something new.

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Keep your idiosyncrasies

Keep being crazy!

These qualities are often lost in the maturing process.

Hold onto it as long as possible. Life will be much more beneficial with them intact.


And most of all…Continue to Beam dear Babes.

My greatest wish, is that the world will see the

Glimmer within you

I get the reward of witnessing everyday.

That F*!@$% Giraffe Puzzle!


Oh giraffe puzzle, how you toy with me

you say your recommended ages, are from one to three

if this is so; then tell me please

Why for me, you’re not a breeze?

A 27 year woman; educated…Bright

Yet when I try to assemble you, all I get is plight.

Why oh why giraffe puzzle, do you tease me so

You quickly are becoming, an awfully nasty foe.

The children can gather you into your neatly place

Shouting joy and ecstasy, when finally seeing your face.

and there I am, feeling angst, against my own blood brood

For they have spent me in my quest to see you fully viewed.

And now I try again puzzle, to finish you in a scoff

Oh you fucking giraffe puzzle, you’re really pissing me off!

Once again I indisputably fail

Whilst a two and four year old conquer and prevail.

Maybe I have been quite harsh with you Giraffe Puzzle

But once I get you, you hatred thing…I’ll place on you a muzzle!

I no longer care of your feelings, you stupid silly thing

You spite me every go-of-it with your subtle sting.

So possibly this time, you have justly won

But know this, giraffe puzzle, we are nowhere close to done!

I will continue on, to struggle with your pieces

Until the day I overcome;  and all this madness ceases!

So watch out giraffe puzzle…Watch your parted back

For never again will I, endure your clever flak!

Until we meet again puzzle, I will bid adieu

But not of the pleasant kind…More reminiscent of SCREW YOU!

One Teddy, Some Sleep, That Bear

I wanna tell you a story

About some teddy bear blues,

It’s bedtime at the Brown house

Had to tell my 2 year old, I done lost her bear

She said, that don’t comfort me

I just won’t be sleeping

So sleeping never comes, and I don’t find that bear

So round the house I stare.

So I goes to the little girl

I said ‘How’s about your stuffed cat?’

I’ll find that bear by the morning

Or the next day…I don`t know.

Let me look around, give me some time

but I notice, when I kiss her good night

She aint got no lovin’ to give to me

And for 2 years, she was so nice.

Lord she was lovey-dovey

I hear some groaning coming from the bedroom,

The little girl says, `You got my bear for me yet`

I said, `No I can`t find no bear`

She said, ‘I don’t believe you trying to find no bear’

Said, ‘ I seen you sittin’ on the couch, watchin’ TV’

I said, ‘I’m tired, I been searching all night.’

She said, ‘That don’t comfort me

If I don’t get that bear, I won’t be sleeping’

So sleeping never comes, and I don’t find that bear

So round the house I stare.

I go to my husband

He usually know what to do,

I said, ‘Look Hun, I’m in a spot, you know?

Can you help me look for that bear.

He said, ‘let me go look for a bit.’

He comes back, in 2 minutes flat

I could see it in his face

I could see it was a no

He said, ‘I don’t know hun, it done look like that bear is gone.’

I said, ‘I know, everybody gone…Look like you gone too.’

So I go back to the room

I tell the little girl I got her bear, so she can go to sleep

She said, ‘Yeah?’ I said ‘Oh yeah’

And then she was so nice

Lord she was Lovey-Dovey.

So I go and start searchin’ again, I gotta find that bear

I look in cupboards, the fridge and a drawer to find that bear

The girls a-howling, She be lucky if she gets a look-a-like

She ain’t gunna get none of it.

So I stop in her brothers room, you know siblings

I go to the bed, I sit down, I call the boy

I said, ‘Look Man, come in here.’ He got in there.

So what you want?

One Teddy, some sleep, that bear.

Well I ain’t see her teddy, since I don’t know when

I’ve been looking high and low, in out’s and in’s

Gunna get stressed man, gunna get strained

The feelings starting to get a little bit feigned

listen to me, don’t you have a care?

I need one teddy, some sleep, that bear.

One teddy, some sleep, that bear.

So I’m sitting now, on the bed

I’m a wanting to cry my woes, to my kid

I need one Teddy, I need some sleep, I need that bear.

I look down the hall, here comes the boy

I said, ‘Look man, come in here’ He got in there.

So what you want?

One Teddy, some sleep, that bear.

No I ain’t seen that Teddy since early this morn’

How could this happen, the things been with her since she was born

How could this happen, I can’t look no more

Gunna get stressed, So help me out if you dare

I need one teddy, some sleep, that bear

One teddy, some sleep, that bear.

Now by this time, I pretty stressed.

You know when your eye is twitchin’ you pretty stressed.

Looked down the hall, I say to my boy,

I said, ‘look man, get in here.’ He got in there

So what you want this time.

I said, ‘Look man, what a-time is it?’

He said, ‘Dad says it’s 10 o’clock,

still no bear, so what you need?’

One teddy, some sleep, that bear.

No I ain’t seen that teddy, since the rise of the sun

I despair to admit it, but it’s no longer fun

I despair to admit it, but this bear has most won

I’m feeling quite hopeless and sense I may soon be done

I will tell you once more son, to justly be fair

I need one teddy, some sleep, that bear

One teddy, some sleep, that bear.

“It rubs the lotion on its skin…”

My skin, my skin, it’s making a fuss My elbows, my knees, And even my butt. I wish I could stop this terrible state But this constant itch I have, just seems to be my fate.

“It rubs the lotion on its skin Or it gets the rash again”

What can I say, I disregard rubbin’ it on. And every time I forget My skin reminds me at dawn. I will wake with that rash being ten times worse,  And the hypochondriac in me, will soon be ridin’ a hearse.

“It rubs the lotion on its skin, Or it gets the rash again”

There I am itching, a really rueful patch;  And I thank the heavens above  This scratchy rash hasn’t moved on to my snatch! Because that would be awkward, to say the least, going to town on my crotch, like a fucking feast.

“It rubs the lotion on its skin Or it gets the rash again”

And I wonder if I will ever be rid of this thing,  that has taken me over,  as vicious as a bee with its sting. For as long as I know, the scratch has been here with me. The rash is inevitable, like taking a pee.

“It rubs the lotion on its skin Or it gets the rash again”

Because I have said it, it must be groundlessly so-  that the rash chooses us,  like the swordsman to his foe, the beauty to her beau. So my advice to you, if you wear this rash sash Use the cream that will help you forget this brash rash.

“It rubs the lotion on the skin Or it gets the rash again”

A Diamond, A Heart and The Jack

It was no surprise, when he looked in her eyes

And her fear was driven by pain

He yearned for the day, he could take this away

When together, they’d hold their new babe.


He kept a strong face; she used his heart as her brace

Surpassing the moment as one.

Yet he still did not feel, the pain that so reeled

A pain which compared to none.


Inside his eyes cried, tears of questions and freight

But he could not upset his strong girl

So with a gaze that was locked and soothing words that were talked

They heaved on to let labor unfurl.


The meaning of time is all knowing; sublime

And the two fighters had discovered this too

Two days turned to nights twice during their fights

And oh how the contractions flew.


He stood strong by her feet, with his body bent neat

Over hers, to take away all her pain

And although it was kind and took the strain off her mind

He knew that the stance was in vain.


The pain would remain, with harshness and maim

And he would be totally helpless

But everything changed, as her words came to range

And she spoke, “Your help is my bliss”


Fortuitously the two allowed me to be

A witness to the happenings that day

And unknowingly I caught glimpse you see

Of two people who were attached by the souls.


Eventually an infant was freed

To this world that holds prospects so vast

But first he will see, this awesome love that’s between

His Mom and Dad’s present, future and past.


Growing with love, that envelopes not shoves

Through this life is a wonderful thing

And if there is one thing I know, that I’ve learned from this show

Love and unity is what these two bring.


Great things are achieved when determination is weaved

And these two had that in stacks

And their outcome was grand, while locking their hands

A diamond, a heart and The Jack.



One thought on “POETRY!

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