The Best Damn Jam This Side of the Web (Yes, The Blogging Mama has Turned Food Blogger)

So there I was about to make a pot of jam, when I got struck with the most fan-fucking-tastical idea I’ve had since I decided to deem Helen (don’t act like you don’t know her) as my blogging alter ego.

Before I go on, I have some apologies to make to you, dear friends and readers. As of late, I have undoubtedly abandoned you all and it is pretty obvious that you have more than likely been going through some outrageously cray withdrawals over the lack of Blogging Mama showing up in your news feed. For this and all of the mental hardships my absence may have caused you I am truly sorry.

But I’m just going through some stuff right now okay.

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I’ve decided that I want to be more earth friendly, frugal, and resourceful in my approach to life and existence in general…Or at least give all that jazz a shot. You know, see what the big hype is all about. So for the last few months I’ve been growing a bunch of my own food, baking my own bread and doing a hell of a lot of canning.

So between all of that and the raising of boy and girl child, I’ve been a little swamped.

BUT THEN IT HIT ME!

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Maybe…Just maybe,

I could be a food blogger!!!

I could combine my love of entertaining you and my love of food…

TOGETHER,

FOREVER!

*Hundreds of food bloggers, from all corners of the world, suddenly feel a universal urge to facepalm for no apparent reason*

But honestly how hard can it be, I thought nonchalantly as I pulled out my trusty cell phone deeming it just the right tool to take the photographs I would need to bring this new food blogging dream to fruition.

So on today’s menu we have a pot of SUPER SIMPLE 3 INGREDIENT RASPBERRY JAM!

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Shall we begin?

Yes.

That was actually a rhetorical question, but let’s just try and breeze on past this awkwardness. 

Super Simple 3 Ingredient Raspberry Jam

What you will need: 

  • 4 cups Raspberries (go ahead and raid your neighbours garden- like Mom always says, “the more you pick the more they produce!” So really, you are just doing them an awesome favour. Your neighbours will surely be thanking you in the long run.)
  • 4 cups Sugar
  • The juice and pulp of three lemons

  • 1 Water Bath Canner (many people would argue with me and say that you don’t need a water bath canner for this type of canning due to the copious amounts of sugar that will preserve just about anything without bringing it up to a bacteria slaughtering temp. My response: WHY DO YOU PEOPLE HAVE TO TAKE THE FUN OUT OF EVERYTHING I DO?!)
The one on the left is the canner (but if you don't know that already you probably shouldn't be using this blog site as a tutorial) **DISCLAIMER
The one on the left is the canner (but if you don’t know that already you probably shouldn’t be using this blog site as a tutorial) **DISCLAIMER
  • Between 10 to 12 half pint canning jars
  • 1 Jam Pot (much like this one I Instagrammed earlier)

#jampot #justsomeafternoonjammin #rasberryjam

A post shared by Lindsay Brown (@lindsaybrown31) on

  • 1 Lemon Juicer

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  • Canning Funnel

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  • Canning magnet 
  • Run of the mill ladle 
  • More tea towels than I care to admit 
  • Canning picker upper thingy 

Let’s do this.

  1. Combine raspberries, sugar and lemon in jam pot over medium heat.
  2. Meh, put it on high heat if you like to live dangerously.
  3. Watch that shit carefully!
  4. Nobody likes burnt jam people.
  5. Meanwhile fill your water bath canner a little under half way full.
  6. Due to buoyancy and junk you will have to fill your jars with water before placing them into the water bath. Water should always be at least half an inch above the jars.

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   7. Begin the boiling/sterilizing process of the jars and their lids.

(but just pretend the jars are in the pot in this picture and the lid is on the pot too)
(but just pretend the jars are in the pot in this picture and the lid is on the pot too okay)

   8. After jars have boiled for ten minutes and jam has thickened it is time to begin ladling the jam into the jars. Have a dry clean tea towel laid down beside your jam pot to place the hot jars on. Use your picker upper to retrieve all of the jars and place them on the towel. Then begin to ladle your jam.

Forewarning: This is a bitch of a job. Hot jam can be ridiculously hot.

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    9. Next, after your lids have been simmering this entire time, use the magnet to retrieve the lid as well as the screw ring. This also must be carried out with extreme caution as these little bastards will be quite warm too.

   10. Screw tops on until fingertip tight.

   11. Fingertip tight means that you are just using your fingertip strength to tighten them. So obviously not like hulk shit…If that was what you were doing taker down a notch.

   12. Using your canning picker upper thingy place jars back in the water canner and let boil (in canning lingo “process”) for ten minutes.

  13. Use picker upper to lift jars out of the water bath and place on clean dry tea towel.

You will begin to hear the wondrous sound of the lids sealing shut- POP POP POP!

It is delightful, I tell you, DELIGHTFUL!

Feel free to create your own geometrical shape with your jam creations.
Feel free to create your own geometrical shape with your jam creations.

PS- If you have jam left over, repeat entire process of sterilizing jars, jam ladling, “processing” ect.

Okay, get ready to have like a totally foodie orgasm…IN YOUR MOUTH.

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Next time on the blog, 

Wheat Bread.

Yep, that’s the best name three intense minutes of brainstorming got me. Time well spent.

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Until we cook again my friends:

Bake Boldly

Create Cuisine with Class

Eat Gloriously

And try frying something naked at least once in your life

(thrilling I tell you, absolutely thrilling)

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