10 Things You Need To Know Before Falling In Love With a Cook

1)      Zero tolerance of picky eaters- Whether it be your mutual friends or the offspring you will eventually procreate, your significant other will be no soft sally to the fact the people around you are turning their nose up to food.

You may hear terms from your cooking cohort like, “People around here just don’t know what good food is.” “All people want is burgers, how am I supposed to show my creativity with that?!” and my personal favorite, “Pub food is literally the bane of my existence.”

2)      Branded a poor shlum- Get used to people, branding you and your chef as the ‘poor ones’ because as everyone seems to know- there is absolutely no money in the cooking industry…Even though food is literally everywhere.

3)      That awkward over the shoulder glare- When whipping up a delectable meal for your cheffy, be prepared to constantly be watched. Whilst chopping veggies note the look of pure horror your lover has as they cringe at your less than perfect knife skills. Brace yourself for more than one ‘tip’ on what tastes blend nicely together and always allot time for the kitchen safety rules talk.

4)      Food sanitation deliberation– God forbid you leave the turkey out to thaw overnight…You will be chastised for weeks about the unsanitary awfulness that is you and your personal food prep skills. Always keep close at heart ‘first in first out’ rule and remember when stacking raw meats chicken is ALWAYS on the bottom. If any of these rules are forgotten you will likely never be allowed in your own kitchen again.

Which in all honesty wouldn’t be so terrible in the first place.

5)      “I just hate stupid people!!”- Upon falling in love with your chef you will quickly find out how absolutely idiotic other human beings in his/her preferred industry are.

Specifically, how if business owners would just listen to every single word that your S.O. was saying their business would no doubt flourish. Which brings me to the evening ritual of getting off work in an absolute rage, storming in the door and engaging in an hour bitch fest about how stupid people are.

How those stupid people infuriate your spouse so much and WHY OH WHY can’t everyone just listen to everything that he/she says about the culinary arts because they are undoubtedly right 100 percent of the time.

6)      The Servers-  There is always the constant reminder in the back of your mind that your S.O. is spending everyday with super-hot servers. In your head you think of your chef being an opinionated and arduous Gordon Ramsey , suave Jamie Oliver or suggestive Rachel Ray and all the boys and girls in the front house smitten over the edgy, rough, and oh so sexy chef.

But in all reality he/she is actually the guy in the back that is yelling fanatically due to extreme temperatures, dinging the bell a thousand times to try and get the attention of the servers you are so worried about, losing their cool over a missing case of chicken wings or making unfortunate sexual jokes that no one expect his/her fellow cooks find funny.

All in all, you probably don’t have anything to worry about.

7)      The potty mouth– Maybe it is not just this profession, but in my experience cooks have the dirtiest mouths I have ever heard. If your partner is in fact of this vocation get use to the F-bomb flying free whenever the individual in question has the slightest need for the term. Also open your mind to jokes of a homosexual nature (and do not become over concerned when first hearing this, it is in your chefs DNA to conjure up these dirty witticisms.)

Get on board with the potty mouth, because it most likely isn’t going anywhere.

8)      “So does he always cook you the most delicious food?”- If you are the significant other of a chef you know this question well. Anytime you tell another human being that you are married to a professional cook they ask this infamous query and you are left to explain in an annoyed inflection that when your love is actually home at dinner time (which is an extremely rare occasion in the first place), cooking is usually not on thier list of to-do’s.

9)      Sayonara Mother’s day and Valentine’s day- The two busiest days in the restaurant business. Either get used to celebrating these occasions on a different date or not at all, because you aren’t seeing hide nor hair of your spouse in the 24 hours that surround these two hallmark holidays.

10)   For that matter say farewell to weekend BBQ’s and summer vacations- For the life of a cook summer is not a time for rest and relaxation. It means scorching hot temperatures in tiny kitchens, white out chit conditions, ornery drunks that want midnight fare and women who think everything should be gluten free in order for them to look great in their new bikini. Which means bye bye summer fun, hello grueling work conditions.

After reading this list of horrible and dreadful realities of loving a chef I’m sure you are asking yourself why? Why would anyone subject themselves to that occupation or for that matter, be with someone in that occupation?

Well I can’t speak for every spouse of a chef but my reasoning for loving a cook is that he is following his dreams.

I am serious.

No one in their right mind would do that kind of work if they didn’t love it. Of that I am quite positive. And I give my hubby chef a great amount of kudos to do what he loves and work towards a dream he has had for so very long.

All images courtesy of Google Image


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