Stubbing Out my Dirty Little Secret

My eyes pop open easily, I have no trace of a headache from the few beers I indulged in the night before. I skip…Yes SKIP to the bathroom and take a look in the mirror. My eyes are bright, there are no thin red lines tracing through the whites of them. My skin does not have a haggard look that I cannot quite put my finger on, but instead glows and I notice less pockmarks overall.

I take a poop. Yep, there is no waiting for stimulants this fine morning. Feel the urge, get er’ done.

I smile and hug my kids upon entering the kitchen where they wait for breakfast. I have no angst of ‘need’ heaping up in the bottom of my gut, so instead I ask my darling children how their sleep was…And I listen to their beautiful little voices.

I too eat breakfast! A piece of multigrain bread, half an avocado, a banana, and a bit of yogurt. I savor the food, I take my time to eat it- tasting all of the flavors mingling together in my untainted mouth. And I realize I enjoy eating without the pressure of ‘having to get outside’ continuously creeping on the outskirts of my mind.

I then brew myself a cup of Joe and am ecstatic to realize how wonderful the stuff tastes when it is not accompanied by the putrid taste of a cigarette.

Because once I came to the realization that smoking is gross (an epiphany that took me 15 years to actually grasp) I began to see the shit for what it is really worth…NOTHING.

Now I know at this point, many of you may well be drawing your mouse up to the right hand corner of the screen to exit out of this stupid anti-smoking post. You don’t need anyone telling you how to live your life. It is your choice to smoke, and you certainly don’t need to be berated about it over the internet!

I agree with you. Well at least I would have been doing the exact same fleeing thing only a few weeks ago. I would silently tell this blog post to fuck right off, go sit on my deck and lite up a ciggy. I would then stew over the fact that everyone tries to tell me what to do, and it is all such a load of bullshit! And then I would probably lite up another one just to calm down a bit more.

Smoking had always been my dirty secret. From a time when I was teenager young and would dive frantically behind bushes to avoid Mama seeing me smoking on Main-street. That was a period when we hid smoking from our parents but bragged openly about our addiction to society. Nowadays it seems that we simply hid it from everyone.

When I got pregnant with my daughter I actually thought I had kicked the nasty. I was smoke free for over a year and a half. It is not until now though that I can admit to myself that during that time I still secretly envied those around me who continued to suck the stuff into their lungs. I loved seeing them inhale that bluish gray smoke and oh so badly wanted that feeling for myself.

It was just before my wedding date that I started up again. It was a super stressful time, there were just so many parties around then, I couldn’t risk putting on weight before the wedding… There were a thousand and one reasons to start up again. So I did.

I kept quiet about my re-entrance into the smoking world and for a long time only my soon to be husband knew about my clandestine ways. My relationships began to break apart with family as they could not understand why I was always sneaking off in solitary. Finally when the actual wedding in Mexico commenced it was not even 10 minutes after the ceremony that I ran off by myself to have a sneaky smoke.

Life went on like this for a long time. Crawling into dingy corners to receive my nicotine fix, hiding in the shadows to suck back a fast one. Cramming into tight little boxes at the zoo, shoulder to shoulder with strangers bitching about how society treats smokers like animals these days.  But in reality the animals looked a lot better off than we did.

Then it happened, a short time ago I was introduced to Allen Carr’s Easy Way to Stop Smoking. I read the book in about 5 hours, endured a few life changing insights and completely transformed the way I viewed cigarettes.

And I can say that I am changed.

I feel rejuvenated, where in past attempts to quit I had felt drained.

I feel confident not only in my resolution to stop smoking but also in my personal gain from the experience.

I feel better physically therefor I look better. I carry myself higher and speak with an unwavering poise- something I am not positive I had as a smoker.

I can wholeheartedly say I feel jubilant!

I have yet to experience a moment of panicky fear wondering how I will go on without cigarettes. Because, completely thanks to Allen Carr’s method I now know the answer to that question…

I will simply go on so much better than I was before!

I could sit here all day expressing my swooning love for Allen Carr and his wondrous ways, but eventually people may begin to think I am a bit of a nut case or in fact hired by the celebrated Allen to up-sell (not that it needs it) this oh so awe inspiring book! So instead I will leave you with this;

For any of you out there who use nicotine products and have that little voice inside of you quietly whispering the possibility of life without it, please PLEASE go get yourself a copy of this book. I promise if you read his words and follow his insanely easy instructions you can and will stop smoking.

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It was not too long ago that I told myself I didn’t want to quit smoking because I genuinely liked to do it…

Now, it amazes me that I could have ever said something like that.  


2 thoughts on “Stubbing Out my Dirty Little Secret

  1. Well done! It’s not an easy accomplishment. I gave up smoking after three years of burning money for nothing. Every time I wanted to smoke, I drank water. Result: I spent all day either drinking or running to the toilet. No time for cigarettes. I put the money for all the cigarettes I would have smoked in a jar, and within a month I had enough to buy myself a pair of brand new Levis. My motivation? My gorgeous French boyfriend who growled that the mother of his offspring would be a non-smoker. Haven’t smoked since.


    • That’s awesome! I’m glad you had good support in quitting that always helps. This stop smoking book I read is pretty phenomenal and I have seldom even thought about smoking since quitting- only being happy when I do think about it, as I know I am now a non-smoker! Yay!


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