Drinking Gin and Making Flower Beds

 

Well it’s that time of year again my friends, the gardening season is in swing and The Blogging Mama has been busy! Today I will be giving you a sweet and simple tutorial on how to construct a flower bed out of the squalid conditions that is the drab and droll side of your house as well as some handy tips on how to keep your garden blooming bright.

First off let me elaborate on what in fact we will be working with today…

DUH DUH DUH! Oh for the love of God, how boring, how lackluster, how dreadfully tiresome this side of the house looks!
DUH DUH DUH! Oh for the love of God, how boring, how lackluster, how dreadfully tiresome this side of the house looks!

Step 1 in creating a wondrous new flower bed:

Assure you have excellent tools to work with.

IMG_0417

 

Step 2  in creating a wondrous new flower bed:  

Use a garden hose to trace out the perimeter of what you would like your new bed to look like. Unfortunately I do not have a picture of this because the ingenious idea to make this into a blog post did not come to me until later in my quest. Never the less it is not difficult just trace that shit out.

Step 3 in creating a wondrous new flower bed: 

Once mapping out what glorious shape you would like your bed to be, begin edging it with an edger or flat head shovel. Again I do not have picture but I can assure you this is the easy part. Simply dig into the sod along your outline. It’s not rocket science.

Step 4  in creating a wondrous new flower bed: 

Now comes the exhausting part. Hopefully you have a good set of pipes on ya because this shit is going to need some muscle power. Begin ripping the sod out in strips. It will be heavy, and you WILL find some creepy crawly creatures under the surface.

IMG_0386 IMG_0387

Step 5  in creating a wondrous new flower bed: 

Mourn the dead lady bug you find in the soil.

IMG_0381 IMG_0383

 

Step 6  in creating a wondrous new flower bed: 

Get over it and move forward. Continue to rip sod out while simultaneously searching for earthworms. They are great little critters to have in the flower beds as they do wonders for the soil.

Thank you wormy for being such a great contributor to this new wondrous flower bed.
Thank you wormy for being such a great contributor to this wondrous new flower bed.

Note: Allow your hands to really get in there and feel the soil…You wont be sorry you did (until later in the evening when you are attempting to scrub the dirt from under your nails cursing the fact that you did not wear gloves while constructing your wondrous new flower bed). 

Get the children involved in the worm searching process. Kids have some kind of weird sonar for those slimy buggers.

IMG_0394

 

Finally come to the realization that it is odd that you are so accepting of worms…When these dudes just make your skin crawl.

IMG_0397

Step 7  in creating a wondrous new flower bed: 

Use edging to assure grass will not travel back into your new wondrous flower bed. $T2eC16hHJFoE9nh6qS4YBRCS9OqC+!~~60_35

Line the outskirts of the bed with this while mounding soil against it so it does not move out of place.

Unfortunately edging does not work as well as the ‘MAN’ would like us to think, so you will more than likely still have to weed your garden of grass and junk.

Add fresh top soil and compost to the bed to guarantee a garden full of nutrients and glory.

Step 8  in creating a wondrous new flower bed: 

Have a momentary nervous breakdown when you realize you still have to place the rocks for your border around the bed. But instead of throwing a hysterical tantrum on your front lawn where all your neighbors can see you and will assume you are headed to the nut house sooner rather than later…

 

IMG_0360

Pull up your big girl panties and gather the fucking rocks. Then place them strategically around your flower bed in an aesthetic manner.

Step 9  in creating a wondrous new flower bed:

Attempt to ignore the searing pain that has now encompassed the entirety of your lower back. To take your mind off this heinous throbbing decide to choose what type of flowers you would enjoy in your new wondrous flower bed.

I chose 4 foot Hosta's to fill up the space to create a spectacle of awe when one will glance down my once dreary house side.
I chose 4 foot Hosta’s to fill up the space to create a spectacle of awe when one will glance down my once dreary house side.

Keep in mind your garden may not look full right off the hop but it does not take long for those plants to take flight and soon you will be swimming in a treasure trove of foliage and flowers.

Voilà, and there you have it! Your wondrous new flower bed. 

IMG_0400

And I almost forgot, step number 10 in creating your wondrous new flower bed…

A nice STRONG Gin and tonic to finish the job.

I deserve this...I am just so damn awesome.
I deserve this…

 

For more wondrous flower beds created by The Blogging Mama…Just keep scrolling!

Shade garden under the steps of the deck with Fiddle-head Ferns.
Shade garden under the steps of the deck with Fiddle-head Ferns.
Bleeding Heart
Bleeding Heart
Front door decor (boy howdy am I ever clever)
Front door decor (boy howdy am I ever clever)
Mint in a pot
Mint in a pot

IMG_0406 IMG_0408 IMG_0407

 

 

IMG_0415

A rock garden I recently had to redo as some advised me it resembled a large penis with an over-sized scrotum...Needless to say I will be thinking more closely when it comes to my design ideas from now on.
A rock garden I recently had to redo as some advised me it resembled a large penis with an over-sized scrotum…Needless to say I will be thinking more closely when it comes to my design ideas from now on.
The fix job...Some still say it looks like a penis only now proportionate with the ball-sack but sliced halfway down the shaft.  I say, you can't please everyone!
The fix job…Some still say it looks like a penis only now proportionate with the ball-sack but sliced halfway down the shaft by a fence.
I say, you can’t please everyone.

And on that note I will bid you all farewell and hope you enjoyed my terrible tutorial skills on how to make a wondrous new flower bed for your yard or anyplace for that matter.

Remember practice makes perfect so get out there and start tearing up some grass!

 

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Drinking Gin and Making Flower Beds

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s