The Sordid Phrases of Google- Defender of the internet

The shadows of night creep lazily into the room.  The individual in question sits apprehensively at the computer desk- constantly looking over his shoulder in fear another human will enter his space and find out of his ghastly activities.

He types slowly on the keyboard while the blue, yellow, orange and green colors of GOOGLE shine back at him.

He stops.

He thinks he hears a sound from the corner of the room, but when he looks it is only his spinning imagination. The indignity of his search term has caught up to him and he wonders if he should hit the ‘enter’ button to seek the answers he so desperately desires.

He throws caution to the wind and the phrase, “dark n sweaty armpits of aunties” is now flying through the inter-web. His own pits begin to perspire as his anticipation grows for his soon sought out results.

He clicks on the first hit hastily as he again becomes concerned that his plight will be found out by the others who accompany his home. Searching odd and unusual terms on Google is his own dirty little secret- a time to be alone with his unseemly thoughts.

He is brought to a blog called The Blogging Mama and all too soon his world comes crashing down around him!

You like that? You sicko!"
You like that? You sicko!”

 

 

Terrifying, just terrifying.

But not so terrifying that he does not try again with only a different search term.

Next he discreetly types in, “Poop shit leather jacket” and he breathes heavily and he awaits what awesome pictures he will discover from his creativity.

"A poop shit leather jacket is the worst kind of leather jacket...Why would you want to gain ANY information on such a thing?"
“A poop shit leather jacket is the worst kind of leather jacket…Why would you want to gain ANY information on such a thing?”

 

‘Thwarted again by The Blogging Mama! Why does she do this to me?!’ He thinks in vain disgust.

He will try once more because he must. His fingers now ache from the typing of the evening, but he pushes forward because, “Sweat dripping tits pic” is something he just must see on this big ol’ web.

 

"You disgust me!"
“You disgust me!”

The man is now angry. The blogging mama has foiled his evening of Google searching- an evening in which he had been oh so looking forward to. He tries once more in an attempt to salvage an acceptable memory from this wretched evening.

“Erotic short stories wet pants”

"Are you serious?"
“Are you serious?”
"I hereby ban you from the internet!"
“I hereby ban you from the internet!”

 

And the last search term the man types in a not so quietly way, “I hate Blogging Mama’s”

"And never come back!"
“And never come back!”

 

Once again The Blogging Mama has saved a small corner of the internet from the atrocity of weirdo web crawlers.

You’re Welcome.

 

 

All search terms in the story were in fact searched and redirected to The Blogging Mama website…Wowzers there are some odd balls out there. 

And seriously, who could possibly hate blogging mama’s!?

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4 thoughts on “The Sordid Phrases of Google- Defender of the internet

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