So I’m bored this fine evening. Jamie is working a late shift, kids are sleeping, and I am scrolling through Facebook. I see this post that catches my eye.
“What Women Really Want” is the name of it.
I click on it, to assure that this post is quite certain of what I really want as a member of the female sex. It begins spouting off all of these amazingly cliche things about sunshine and lollipops.
1) We want you to tell us we’re beautiful- HA! You better not need a list to know to tell me that!
2) We want you to stop asking us how the sex was- Nope, wrong. I like talking about sex.
3) We want you to let us cry- Wrong again! I want to retreat from you seeing me cry because I have begun in on my hideous crying face. You know the one where your face crumples up to resemble the ugly pug dog that poops on your lawn all the time. You know the one.
It goes on like this for awhile, and although I see where they are coming from, I decided to write up my own list of what I as a woman wants.
Obviously I can’t say that this will appease every woman out there- maybe you would agree more with the original list. Maybe you are a sunshine and lollipops wantin’ kind of gal.
I’m just saying, I feel like mine is a bit more realistic.
1) I want to look on and under my kitchen sink without seeing beer cans stacked to the high heavens.
2) I want to be a hat person.
3) I want to turn back time and tell myself never to pop that zit on my earlobe…I haven’t worn my hair back for weeks!
4) I want to look at an empty laundry basket.
5) I want to walk into my daughters room and not get attacked with the overwhelming stank of piss.
6) I want these two, to be this reserved and angelic for even one hour during daylight hours.
7) I want to throw caution to the wind, and chuck out all of my cleaning supplies…Knowing full well that I will never have to scrub another toilet AGAIN!!!
8) I want to look sexy in my housecoat…You know like the big time movie stars do.
9) I want to look at the sink to see no grimy dishes staring up at me.
10) I want to never again know the sorrow of almost completing my hair only to find out I am fresh out of hairspray.
11)I want to no longer know the horror of finding a new zit and wrinkle simultaneously in one sitting at the mirror.
12)I really really want to know what a full day of not having to plunge the toilet is like.
13) I want my husband to stop pestering me to throw out my comfy slippers…I love them, they are perfectly formed to my feet okay!!!
And, for the sunshine and lollipops part of me.
14) I want an industrial size bucket of sparkles to wear daily. Just because sparkles make me purdy.
WHAT A WOMAN REALLY REALLY WANTS.