My name is Lindsay Brown and I am a people pleaser. There I’ve said it, and now that I have admitted this to all of you lovely readers I suppose I should explain these hardships in great detail….So not to disappoint you with this post.
1. The Dwelling Debacle
There is a great downfall that is accompanied with dwelling on the small stuff. Other than the usual stress related deaths we always hear about, there is also the obvious attendance of the guilt in which we feel when we decide to dwell on any and everything.
For example, say you invite your Mother-in-law out for dinner. Allow me to repeat…YOU INVITE HER OUT, and then once the bill comes you realize that you have forgot to snag your husband’s bank card and your own account is dried out. So you explain this to her and she graciously pays the bill. For the next 5 days you dwell on how idiotic you were to invite someone out to dine with you and make them pay…You are still dwelling.
You vow to never invite another human being out to dinner, simply to assure this type of dwelling guilt will never scathe your spinning mind again…But this of course conflicts with the deep bred notion that you MUST invite your people out places and in turn they will love you infinitely.
2. The Crying Catastrophe
Conflict is a people pleasers worst enemy. Plain and simple. So at the slightest indication of conflict The People Pleaser will break down in a tirade of tears and weepiness in general.
Are you needing to call in sick for work? Yes, well if you are a people pleaser be prepared to hold back those moans of inadequacy since your boss could get angry with you.
Are you unhappy with your child’s teacher and need to have a talking with them? If so, bring the ol’ tissue box because my guess is you will break down to a blubbering mess just after Mrs. SoandSo presents her hand for you to shake it.
And then there is the tiff between you and your spouse. In any usual argument there would be a few unkind words said, some make-up sex and we are good to go…Not if you’re dealing with a people pleaser. Your partner used to give in when you cried, now…Now they just tell you to suck it up, because the waterworks do not work anymore.
Since you are in fact a people pleaser, and do not want to bother or concern your fellow human beings you indulge in your cry huddled on the floor in the bathroom snuggly between the toilet and sink, silently sobbing your woes into a toilet you immediately realize needs cleaning, because of course you wouldn’t want anyone to be grossed out by it.
3. The Inability to say NO
Oh how difficult it is for you to say no. It doesn’t matter how badly you do not want to participate in something, you will still warmly welcome the unwanted invitation. You will smile and say, “Oh that sounds just delightful (well maybe not in these exact words)” But then once the dreaded date begins approaching you will find an excuse to get out of it.
You dwell for days about the guilt of cancelling with your friends, and then cry uncontrollably about it while scrubbing your heinously dirty toilet.
4. The Pushover Pullover
Did you like that title? I can change it if you think it’s dumb…I was just going for a play on words there…But I may have fallen short.
Oh dear God, I don’t know if you will like it!
You are a people pleaser, hence you come off as a pushover…But you’re not, I promise.
5. The “Are You Mad At ME?” Enquiry
You may find yourself constantly asking your friends and family, strangers on the street and other random human beings if they are mad at you. This is the last and sure-fire sign that yes, you just might be a people pleaser.
Whether it be that you are at the grocery store and woman ringing your groceries through looks a tad perturbed that you have so many items as you assume she wants to get out for her cigarette break and you find yourself apologizing profusely- for what, you’re not quite sure. Or it may be something as simple as obsessing over the fact that your son may be upset with you because you ate the last Pop-Tart.
Whichever the case is, ‘Are you mad at me’ has somehow evolved into your chosen slogan and everybody knows it.
Yes, they more than likely are mad at you…For asking them this ridiculously annoying question over and over and over again.
So there we have it, if you saw the reflection of yourself in 3 or more of these points, then you just may be a people pleaser….But I don’t want to make any assumptions, which would be downright rude.
And I don’t want you to be mad with me.