On growing older and other stuff too

I spent my 16th birthday storming out of my parents house telling them I would never be back. That night I partied a little too much and then had a hell of a time looking for a place to live the next day while hung-over and feeling sorry for myself, yet too stubborn to go back home. The beginning of my 16th year of life, was also the start of my rebellious streak.

On my 18th birthday I woke up feeling hopeful and excited about my first-ever bar experience. Yes I was one of those rare kids that never stepped foot inside a bar until I turned of age, which may have had to do with the fact that I looked like a sorely dressed 11-teen year old at that time.

My hopes that day though, were cut short as I waited for my boyfriend at the time- who I lived with, to come home and take me out for a night on the town. He showed up eventually, red eyed and slurring and mentioning nothing about the fact that it was my birthday. I briefly thought about calling my friends to escort me out but then realized I had shut all of them out of my life in the past two years. I stayed in that night, drank a cup of tea, and cried my woes to the pillow. Then decided I would kick that son-of-a-bitch to the curb the following day. I did, and life got a bit better after that.

It was my 20th birthday when I came to the profound realization that I was deeply in love with one of my best friends. From that moment on, James Alexander Jefferson Brown captivated my thoughts and without knowing it, changed me in a way I could have never imagined.

But as heartfelt as our feelings were for each other, it was not in the stars for us to remain by each other’s side. So instead, to the west coast I ventured.

3 days before I turned 22 I came home for a visit. I had not spoke to Jamie for close to two years, yet he remained lively in my thoughts. Nerves overcame me as my brother and I drove around town in his beat up blue Chevy and I saw this unrequited love of mine, walking nonchalantly down the road. He did not see me that day, but I knew as I watched him venture further away that I had to meet up with him.

On my 25th birthday, Jamie and I had just had our 2nd child, Sophie Anne. We stayed in and swooned over the 2 month old while Lars played track at our feet. I remember looking at our little family and realizing how blessed we truly were.

Shortly after my 26th birthday, I regained my love for the written word. I published a poetry book called ‘A Fervour of Truth: Chronicling the Life of a Poet’ After that I started up a blog called The Blogging Mama and that resulted in getting a weekly column named ‘Me Plus Three’ in our local newspaper, The Red Deer Advocate.

I tell my Mom daily of how I love her, and let my Dad know how much he has done for me in the past- in those precarious days of rebellion. I look at my husband and constantly wonder why I was so lucky to catch the man of my dreams. I gaze upon my children and know true perfection when I hold them tight in my arms. I see the friends and family that surround me, and recognize that I am loved unconditionally by them…And again bewilderment becomes me when I ponder how my life has become so beautiful in every single way.

Today is my 28th birthday, and I am simply happy.


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