The Departure of Helen The Housewife…

So I had a little run in with our Helen, this evening. It was ugly, and unfortunate to say the least. It didn’t end well, I will tell you that much…This is how it played out.

The Departure of Helen The Housewife…

"Look Helen I'm going to have to Level with you here...You're fired."
“Look Helen I’m going to have to Level with you here…You’re fired.”
"HA! Oh Blogging Mama, sometimes I don't I don't really get your twisted humour, but this...This is hilarious."
“HA! Oh Blogging Mama, sometimes I don’t really get your twisted humour, but this…This is hilarious.”
"No seriously Helen, you are fired. I just can't keep up with your shenanigans as of late, and I'm going to have to let you go."
“No seriously Helen, you are fired. I just can’t keep up with your shenanigans as of late, and I’m going to have to let you go.”
"But why?!"
“But why?!”
"Are you seriously asking me WHY?! Well let's start off with the fact that you have neglected to do a Handy Housewife post for the last 4 weeks and when I brought it up to you, you took it upon yourelf to hack the Facebook page and tell our readers that you would write one and it would be posted within 24 hours...That was 3 days ago!"
“Are you seriously asking me WHY?! Well let’s start off with the fact that you have neglected to do a Handy Housewife post for the last 4 weeks and when I brought it up to you, you took it upon yourself to hack the Facebook page (while completely hammered drunk, I might add) and tell our readers that you would write one and it would be posted within 24 hours…That was 3 days ago!”
"Oooh, well that, I admit was an error of judgment on my part. But in my defense I was a little preoccupied with other things..."
“Oooh, well that, I admit was an error of judgment on my part. But in my defense I was a little preoccupied with other things…”
"NO! YOU HAVE JUST BEEN DRINKING WINE!!!"
“NO! YOU HAVE JUST BEEN DRINKING WINE!!!”
"Exactly...I was researching for my next Handy Housewife post...'The Wonders of Wine' Oh Blogging Mama, won't you give me one more chance to give the readers what they want...Nay, what they NEED!?"
“Exactly…I was researching for my next Handy Housewife post…’The Wonders of Wine’. Oh Blogging Mama, won’t you give me one more chance to give the readers what they want…Nay, what they NEED!?”
"Fine, but if you mess this up, and YOU ARE OUTTA HERE!"
“Fine, but if you mess this up, YOU ARE OUTTA HERE!”
"Oh alright then...Way to put the pressure on, but I am in fact a Handy Housewife so I will conquer and prevail. So without much further adieu I present..."
“Oh alright then…Way to put the pressure on, but I am in fact a Handy Housewife so I will conquer and prevail. So without much further adieu I present…”

Handy Housewife Hint #005- A Handy Housewife always ensures her provisions are stocked for supply and demand.

Lyndzee Posed-3832

There comes a time in any Handy Housewife’s life, when the monotony and gloom of everyday life just sneaks up on her. Whether it be the kids hurdling feces at each other, a few extra pounds have been gained over the holiday season or, you have a bitch of a boss that won’t let you express your individualism through alcohol and threatens to fire you for doing so…No names will be named…

"Thin ice Helen...Thin Ice."
“Thin ice Helen…Thin Ice.”

The point is these daunting days do come about, every now and then.

What would you say if I were to tell you, I could make all of your ill-feelings and glumness just slip away to the outermost regions of your brain?

OF COURSE YOU WOULD BE ECSTATIC!!

With just a pop of a  cork  and a slug of a bottle you can be thrust into…Well this-

Lyndzee Posed-6533 And this…

Will make you happy,

like this…

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For todays post I have even prepared a little wordsmith spectacle by creating a Haiku.

Wine is wonder-filled

As it glides down to my gut

Please bring me more wine

"Taa Daaa! There you have it, the most wonderful haiku about wine!"
“Taa Daaa! There you have it, the most wonderful haiku about wine!”
"Are...You drunk right now?"
“Are…Are you drunk right now?”
"I am hurt, Blogging Mama. Hurt and disappointed that you would think so low of me to even inquire that I would be drinking whilst on the clock...Hurt and disappointed I say!"
“I am hurt, Blogging Mama. Hurt and disappointed that you would think so low of me to even inquire that I would be drinking whilst on the clock…Hurt and disappointed I say!”
"I am a woman of the Lord after all..."
“I am a woman of the Lord after all…”
"And an industrious worker to boot!"
“And an industrious worker to boot!”
"Not to mention I cook like a pro..."
“Not to mention I cook like a pro…”
"Helen...You have a glass of wine in each one of these instances. I feel that this only proves my concerns about you."
“Helen…You have a glass of wine in each one of these instances. I feel that this only further proves my concerns about you.”

Lyndzee Posed-6501

And as that crucial epiphany came to head, Helen let go of her struggle to stay in the mix. Gracefully stepping back and fading into this big ol’ blogosphere called life. No one knows whatever became of Helen- where she is, or if she will ever be back…And maybe, some may say, that is exactly how she would like it.

But I for one, will never forget our dear Helen.

Rest your mind at ease that with each disgusting old dish rag you refuse to throw out…Helens there.

Lyndzee Posed-450

Each time you need a time out in the kitchen…Helens there.

Lyndzee Posed-4541

And in the shower…She’s watching you in there as well.

Lyndzee Posed-671

So in end my friends, as difficult of a decision as it was for me to have to fire dear Helen, in retrospect it is a verdict I feel confident about.

And who knows…She’s a crafty old bat, she very well could slip into a post in future days.

And for now, I have heard a rumour floating around that she has a few friends who are interested in making guest appearances on The Blogging Mama.

So fear not my Helen lovers, the dysfunctional fun will most definitely continue!

If you’ve missed out on any of the last Housewife Posts…Here they are, in a nice and neat fashion for your viewing convenience.

https://lyndzeerae27.wordpress.com/2013/10/11/meet-helen-the-housewife/

https://lyndzeerae27.wordpress.com/2013/10/16/handy-housewife-hint-001/

https://lyndzeerae27.wordpress.com/2013/10/23/handy-housewife-hint-002/

https://lyndzeerae27.wordpress.com/2013/10/30/handy-housewife-hint-003/

https://lyndzeerae27.wordpress.com/2013/11/03/handy-housewife-hint-004/

"Because a Happy Housewife, is a Handy Housewife."
“Because a Happy Housewife, is a Handy Housewife.”

Photo Credit: Imagine The image Photography

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7 thoughts on “The Departure of Helen The Housewife…

  1. Just stumbled upon your blog (not physically, no tripping here yet). Love your wit and humor! And the photos are fabulous. I love the one where the wine is sitting on the opened oven door. Can’t wait to read more. Have I just discovered Helen only to have to say adieu? (not sure if that is correct spelling, my French is horrible)

    Like

    • Unfortunately you have 😦 Helen was just a little too much upkeep for this humble blog…She needed to move on to bigger and better things 😉

      But who knows she just might slip in to some future posts 🙂

      Like

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