From Me To You

"Ashley? Ashley Noel Blackburn, are you out there? I have something for you..."
“Ashley? Ashley Noel Blackburn, are you out there? I have something for you…”

Sunday December 1st marks my sister-in-laws 27th birthday, it also marks the fact that she will only have 15 more days of pregnancy until her much sought after due date.

She is very pregnant.

I remember that feeling well, and I distinctly recall hating every moment of those last few weeks. If you’d like to get more into the pregnancy topic click here for The Plight of Pregnancy.

So to boost my buddy’s spirits I’ve decided to give her, her birthday present early. And because I somehow need to involve my blog with every single little thing I do, I am now writing this post to her in an attempt at a virtual gift giving extravaganza!!!

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I have compiled a gift pack of sorts and am engaging in the worst possible thing an individual can possibly do, and that is to combine soon to be baby stuff with Mommies birthday present…Ya I’m THAT person.

My dearest Ashley,

It will soon be your birthday and oh how excited I am for us to be 27 together (if not just for a little while). The thing is Ash, I AM indeed older than you, therefor by common logic I must be wiser than you. So here today I am going to give you the gift of knowledge. Knowledge of what age brings to a person, knowledge of what babies bring to a woman and knowledge of the certain tricks of the trade in which you will need close at hand for when these times come.

So today my friend I give you a Yo-Yo.

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Why you ask would this be relevant? Well let me tell you, as you get older strange things will begin to happen to you. Strange and hideous things, I’m not going to go into detail I will let you figure that out on your own…But heed my words when I say STRANGE AND HIDEOUS things!

Anyways the Yo-Yo is to remind you of younger days. It is to allow you to bring the memories of childhood to mind and hold a piece of that with you always. With the stress of parenting and all that comes with those years we sometimes forget to play. And if I may remind you, as a kid, playing was the best thing ever.

So in the future, just remember to play a little. Your children will appreciate you for this more than you will ever know.

Next in our bag is a Deck of Playing Cards! Hawzaa!

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To occupy your time on those boring winter nights when it’s just too damn cold go gallivanting around town with baby…

"Oh dear God am I ever bored..."
“Oh dear God am I ever bored…”

And the best part of this gift is- that is my favorite game! So I will be over ALL of the time playing this with you.

Oh yes did I mention that with parenthood comes a lot of shit. Yes poop, fecal matter, whatever you like to call it, it’s there. So behind door number three is…

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A Scented Shower Spritzer! In all honesty, I’m not entirely sure what this is…

Fact- It smells amazing.

Fact- It will remove poop off of your body in the event of your child disposing his waste on you.

Fact- If it is not poop, it will be pee on you (this too can be removed by the spritzer) if it is not pee it will be puke (again the spritzer will do just fine in this situation) and if it’s none of the above you more than likely will not care if you are sporting it on yourself all day long.

After all of the unfortunate pooping and puke incidents you will be more than willing to indulge yourself in a little treat.

So our next wondrous present is….

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FUDGE!!

Umm no explanation necessary…Am I right?!

"It's just so fucking good..."
“It’s just so fucking good…”

And finally my darling friend and sister, I give you this #1 Mom coffee mug.

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Because despite how tough it may be at times, the sleepless nights and the early mornings, the crazy toddler years and the rebellion of adolescents- Your child will ALWAYS think of you as number one Mom.

He may not always voice that sentiment, he may even tell you the opposite in times of anger.  But there will be moments in the future when you are exhausted from a long day and he will gently kiss your cheek and say, “I love you so much Mom.”

I’m sure this post has only frightened you more than anything about parenthood and all of it’s trials, but I can assure you Ash, that you will always ALWAYS be #1 Mom in that little man’s books.

And that, will be the greatest gift you will ever receive.

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