It has come to my attention that I am an undeniably awkward person. Whether it be the fact that I’ve lost so many of those inhibitions that held me back in my younger years or I simply crave making a fool of myself for your reading enjoyment, recently the notion of my strangeness is palpable.
So, with that said, I give you: The Gaucheness That is Me..Moments of Tactlessness by Lindsay Brown.
1. That moment when you are madly itching your psoriasis on your knee (because it’s acting up due to the dry weather) but you don’t realize your under a blanket and your incessant scratching really looks like you are going to town on your crotch. That is, until you glance at your husband who is staring at you with a look of pure horror.
2. That exact instant you realize red wine is fine for a few drinks at home in accompany with some awesome blog writing, but is not suitable to drink the entire duration of date night out on the town. You realize this when you wake up on your brothers couch with a splitting headache and a note from your bro. The note reads, “We sent your husband home in a cab because you were passed out so hard we couldn’t wake you up. We will drive you home in the morning. P.S. You puked on our freshly shampooed carpets…You suck.”
4. Recently your husband told you he was going to start up a counter blog to defend himself over all of the embarrassing tales you write about him…And all you could think was, ‘that would be great for publicity.’
5. That split second when you are walking by a group of good-lookin’ guys and you are trying your damndest to look hot but in your attempt to strut you forget how to walk, trip and fall flat on your face with your ass sticking straight up in the air and to make matters worse you let you let out a massive fart that sounds a little wet…That was an unfortunate one.
6. The other day when you were waiting in line at the grocery store and some dude commented on your dummy string mittens hanging gingerly from your coat sleeves, and instead of gracefully laughing along with his comments you feverishly defend your dummy mittens, until you are yelling at the good-humoured man that these mittens are the most ingenious thing man-kind has ever came up with. Meanwhile in your fit of waving your arms around to get the point across you don’t realize you are slapping the person in front of you with the stringed mitted glove in question.
7. Your incessant need to make people laugh has got you in some pickles as of late too. When sitting around the table, indulging in the drink with your nearest and dearest, you think you have a good one (a hilarious one to be truthful) so you spew your funny out for the whole of the room to hear and when it is received with nothing but a chilly hush you make one of your ‘faces’ to lighten the scene. They laugh. But what you don’t realize is that they are laughing at you Lindsay, not with you. There is a difference.
8. When taking your Selfie pictures you practiced your poses in abundance. So much that you soon didn’t notice where you were practicing these silly and stupid faces. Before you knew it you were in the shoe department at Wal-Mart with a great post idea making ridiculous faces in the shoe viewing mirror while the other Walmartians were looking at you like YOU were the weirdo.
I’m sure there are many more tactless moments by yours truly, in fact I know there is, but I will leave you to stew over these for now.
And to end this post I would like to thank each and every one of you readers for putting up with my mindless notion of hilarity. I can’t come up with any reasons as to why you people continue to read my ramblings, but I suppose that’s for you to know and me to continue to preposterously indulge.
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