The Diary of A…Bear?

Dearest Diary;

Today was difficult. It was the kind of day where you just want to call it quits and rip out the piss stained stuffing that remains in your torn and tattered body. Oh Diary, how I loathe the existence that is mine. I remember a time when I would simply lay beside her, her not touching me and me obviously returning the favor.

Gone are the days of perched solitude amongst the other dusty toys.

Now I am a favored, and the favored expire quickly round these parts. I couldn’t listen to the elders when they prophesized about the adorable being chosen foremost…OH NO! I sat there with a smug and smiley look stitched across my mug, thinking rebellion would be the key to greatness in this god forsaken place.

Diary, I was so wrong!

Today she decided that I was to go out onto the frigid snow filled land of the courtyard with her. There she tied me to a post and threw random objects of varying size and weight directly at my downy filled head. The humiliation was palpable but more than that, as I slid slowly down my wooden station I received thick serrated slivers in my posterior.

No one has made any attempts to remove them thus far.

Upon entering back into the living quarters she decided that my comfort was not of her importance and nonchalantly tossed me into her father’s nearby boot. It was dark and terrifying, I could only hear muffled noises from the outside world and it stunk of a smell I still cannot quite make out.

I was wedged there for over 3 hours before the foot in which the boot belonged attempted to shove me even further down into the thing, before grabbing me with an unnecessarily firm grasp and heaving me directly over the kitchen and into the living room…Where the girl was overjoyed to have me in her presence once more. Charming.  

I think I would have preferred the boot.

You would not believe what the child did from there Diary! She was not wearing any pants, as she usually doesn’t because her harebrained mother thinks that when she wears pants she tends to urinate in them (blasphemy, it is called laziness woman deal with it!) Anyways the child pees on the floor and then in a vain attempt not to get caught for her disobedience tries to soak it up with none other than yours truly.

My head was literally being smashed into a puddle of piss. ‘Degrading’ cannot even begin to define how I felt in that instance…

I must leave you now Diary as she is quickly bordering on our living quarters as her allotted bathing time is over.

Now I must look forward to her unfortunate habit of gnawing on my left ear as she hunkers down for dreamland.

It is not easy being Teddy Bear but it is a vocation of the strong willed and hefty of heart.  I will try to write soon dear Diary that is, if I have not have been flushed down their sewer receptacle or worse yet…Lost in the oblivion of what they call their downstairs playroom.


With hopes of a next time,

Sleepy Bear


8 thoughts on “The Diary of A…Bear?

    • LOL poor little guy! That was a pretty hilarious vid. The kids happened to be watching when I bega to watching it and there I am the whole time feeling sorry for the bear and thinking, “Oh what a sad life this bear has…” Meanwhile the kidlets are laughing hysterically at every new fangled ordeal the bear gets himself into.

      I think it must just be bred into children to have no sympathy for sweet little teddy bears! 🙂


  1. I’m going to call the Society for the Protection of Teddy Bears. Poor little bear. I saw one transformed into a scarecrow yesterday – his head had been ripped off and sewn on a stuffed pair of farm overalls, then he’d been strapped to a post. Run, bear, run!


    • I’ve been feeling the pain for poor little Sleepy Bear for weeks now…He has definitely been through the ringer and back! So I thought I should acknowledge his efforts by posting this…No longer will the Teddy Bears of the world fall quiet, no longer will they stew in misery while their oppressor berates them in all sorts of strange and dreadful ways! It is an unfortunate job, but someone has to keep our kids happy right?!

      Thank you deeply for your concern, the bear will be very much appreciative 😉


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