Selfies…The Final Frontier

Ok so there I was having a really special time with all of your Selfies…

That was terrible way to start out this post.

Ahem.

My initial plan for this post was to capture all of the pictures you guys sent in for me and liberate them. I was going to do this by recreating them into such idiocy that the jist of the picture could no longer be taken seriously, thus healing the Selfie in question out of its pathetically remorseful state of Selfiness.

In these last few days I have been on a quest to understand the Selfie. I thought I had learned a considerable amount, but now as I try to recreate your Selfies, I realize I am still very much a novice in the Selfie taking endeavour.

Prime example:

1371352_658794590819282_817338658_n

Look at this god-damn Selfie. This is the Selfie to end all Selfies. To recreate this masterpiece would not only be disgraceful, but downright heinous.

But I did it anyway.

And do you want to know what I came up with?

This heap of garbage (and not to mention a bad case of burning retina)

IMG_7526

‘Okay moving on’ I thought to myself as I meandered slowly through my home solely by memory because I was temporarily blinded by my attempting to imitate a Selfie I had ABSOLUTLEY no business imitating.

1403768_10153448590575366_1498246337_o

This work of art here…Oh yes, it may seem simple at first glance but I literally have no idea how she was holding the camera. Like, how did she do that? Getting that angle and that distance…Any seasoned Selfie taker knows that that kind of body-camera distance ratio is a very difficult to achieve. But there she is, all over that. Oh how I envy her abilities right now.

And then there’s me…

IMG_7517

Look at me struggling to reach. So much that the extra exertion seems to be producing a very unbecoming double chinny chin chin.

Ok what do we have next here.

Ah yes,

1456136_10153521812365565_1237342224_n

The reading in bed Selfie. Look at this girl- relaxed and all settled down about to get into her book. She is looking forward to getting a good read on. If I didn’t know better I would argue that this isn’t even a Selfie.

My question is this: How does one read a book and take a Selfie at the same time? It’s lunacy I tell you, absolute Lunacy!

YOU CANNOT READ A BOOK WHILE TAKING A PICTURE…IT IS IMPOSSIBLE.

IMG_7520 IMG_7519 IMG_7521

Ok well moving forward, next topic…

004

This guy right here…He looks like he might just jump out of the photo and eat up your soul in front of your own bloody eyes.

And he looks like he might enjoy it too.

Do you know how difficult it is to get that ‘Am I crazy or scary’ vibe all from a Selfie?

IMG_7528 IMG_7527

Not an easy feat I can tell you that much.

So now we continue on to the lovely couples shot. The ‘I’m so friggen happy I can be cute and charming in just the perfect way’ Selfie.

1422736_658794597485948_306281826_n

And then there is Jamie and I…

066

Just plain disturbing.

The endearingly likeable Selfie:

1420097_658775190821222_28841138_n And by comparison…IMG_7533

Can we say creepy?

The Crazy hair Selfie…Note how pretty she still looks even with her ridiculously big hair.

1462054_10153497368735241_886862590_n

Note how terrifying I look when trying to imitate her photo.

IMG_7534

And again…

IMG_7536

And one more time for the cheap seats in the back…

IMG_7535

A: The gazing out the window thinking deeply Selfie…

574463_10153524564590565_80512589_n

B: The gazing out the window thinking deeply Selfie…

IMG_7537

I don’t think it quite worked out as well for me.

When I received this picture I thought, “Oh good, drinking coffee-this is something I’m really great at in real life so I will without doubt be able to  mimic my love for coffee into a Selfie shot!”

578101_10153525211105565_1245363063_n

I think I may have overshot it…

IMG_7547

No one is that happy in the morning.

last but not least I received this Selfie,

946067_10151693043161717_857608082_n

And I thought YES! This is my chance to really up the stakes and go down in Selfie history as an individual who can actually recreate at least one sound Selfie out of the mix.

And that was when my phone died…

IMG_7543

“We all know that a phoneless Selfie taker, isn’t truly a Selfie taker at all.”

So here ends my journey from the magical world of Selfies. I’ve learnt some, I’ve lost some, and who knows I may revisit some in due time…But in the end, what I truly want to say to Selfies in general is,

1454665_10151693043306717_1300177892_n

Fuck You Man

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s