Here continues the tale, of the parents, the child and the plight of parenthood…
It may have started with her vagina, but it did not end there. Once labouring through the treacherous birth of their little bundle of joy, life only grew more chaotic from there.
The pain and agony of that birth soon after began to fade away, leaving only remnants of memory, sort of like the fragmented recollections of a dream once waking. Allowing the new Mom and Dad to look eagerly towards a bright future with their new babe.
The midnight feedings in which the couple read up on during pregnancy commenced. Except they were not at all like the book had spoke of…Instead of a beautiful time of bonding and union, there was a infant child screaming at the top of his lungs, and whist the woman feverishly attempted to get the child to latch on to her cracked and split-up nipple, the attempts were in vain. And so sleep deprivation had begun to take them.
Although the woman was elated that her body was no longer a housing unit, it was not as she had remembered it. A rolling jelly of fat now rested devotedly around her midsection, something she trusted would go away on its own, once the after effects of pregnancy wore off that is. She was wrong. Along with her added weight she found dark bags under her eyes which were adding nicely to the wrinkles that began materializing out of nowhere.
Her physical appearance did not even hold a candle though to the bodily functions she noticed now failing her. While she sat adoring her new child she realized that getting up off of the floor sat position was going to be more difficult than first anticipated. So away from the child she inched so not to flatten him if and when her attempts at getting up faltered. As the woman heaved her heavy body upwards a slow and steady rumble of exited her asshole, and she was sure that she may end up pooping herself once again. She did not, and was thankful for that small wonder.
Unfortunately her husband who stood witness to the fiasco was not overjoyed at the spectacle. Some would tell you, It is a difficult day when one must live with a ruptured sphincter due to a less than pleasant labour.
Luckily the woman avoided a messy muddle, but unluckily did pee her pants upon her ascending voyage to stand. All she could say when her lover saw her pants quickly turning from dry to sodden- “Man incontinence is a bitch.”
And these ill-fated incidents did not bode well for the newbie parents bedroom life. As baby slept lightly in the basinet beside them, they attempted to get their frisk on. Only to end in a bawling post partum woman whose portly legs inadvertently began to slap together during the jaunt, a man whose balls were as blue as the deep sapphire sea, and a child who knew none the better but decided to follow suite and howl right along with Mama.
The woman was in constant fear that her nightly feedings would wake the hard working man whom slept beside her so she would venture to the nursery to feed her young. It eventually got to the point of instinctual feeding and would sleep-feed the child. Only half waking and carrying the babe to a more remote location.
One early morning, she awoke in the rocking chair in the child’s room in a panic. The child in question was not in her arms but on the floor sleeping soundly beneath her. Had the child slid down her body, after feeding and fallen asleep on the floor? Could this have possibly happened? Was she the worst mother alive?
As the infant grew older, the instances of ‘bad parenting’ evolved. Once there was a time when she ridiculed those who had bad habits in the child rearing department. Those who allowed their kids in their bed at night, those who had a screaming child in Wal-Mart at all hours of the evening, and those who allowed routine to flit strait out the window.
The woman and her husband had now become the epitome of ‘bad parenting’ in regards to their opinion only a few short months ago.
There was no rest for the weary in these fast times of bring up baby, and the struggles they dealt with were not for the faint of heart. Between the lack of sexual conquest the man was (or was not) receiving and the horrendous changes in which the woman’s body was enduring, life at hand was becoming very redundant.
That was until it happened. One day a few months down the road, Mommy and Daddy were indulging in an over exaggerated game of ‘Peek-A-Boo’. Mommy was mentally composing a to-do list in her head and Daddy was wondering how much longer he would have to keep up with the daft faces and thwarting baby talk…That was when, the babe smiled at his parents, and let out a giggle that somehow seemed to make the room stand still.
The two parents looked at each other and realized that everything, all of the woes and hardships they had thought they were going through did not stand a chance anymore. That one single laugh made the plight of parenthood worth it, and they now looked forward to every trial and tribulation that comes when admitted into the awesome club of paternity.
Because that is what it is all about.
If you missed out on The Plight of Pregnancy, check it out here!