As a mother there are certain phrases that will go down in history as the most annoying dialect ever. Sayings such as, ‘Are we there yet?’ or that famous whining ‘Mooooooom’ when something is wanted that they are unlikely to get.
As of late, a new topper has hit the charts and that is, ‘Something else.’
There I am rummaging through the pantry looking desperately for a snack to feed my darling daughter Sophie and each high-spirited offer I attempt, the girl rebuts me with a ‘No. I want something else.’
“Cookies and Milk?”
“Apple and Cheese?”
“Ant’s on a log?”
My proposals are becoming more hostile with each passing , “No, something else..” and I am ready to offer the small child a god-damn rum and eggnog to knock her out for a few hours.
“Sophie there must be something you’d like to eat. You are hungry aren’t you?”
“Ya, but I want something else…”
The boiler in my brain is sweltering and soon it will reach that pivotal place in which I cannot…No, will not take any more of this tom-foolery. If there is one thing I am sure of right here and now, that is – soon I will break. And it isn’t going to be pretty.
I make an outwardly attempt to cool my jets by lowering my eyes to the floor that has been sullied with crumbs and juice since breakfast, rub my temples vigorously and take deep, cavernous breaths to calm my pounding anxiety over this matter.
I then slowly but surely walk up to the 3 year old and place my utmost of mom voices on and say, “Sophie…I am not a restaurant. You will eat what I make you. That is that.”
“Ummm…No, I want something else.”
AHHHHHH! I hurdle the kid across the kitchen and into the living room whilst indulging in a complete and utter tantrum by smashing every single plate and glassware we own. All the while singing ‘L-O-V-E’ by Nat King Cole.
This is what I would have liked to do, but the truth about chucking small children across rooms is deplorably reprimandable. So I decide otherwise…Not to mention I have come to quite enjoy my glassware.
Sophie, in her oh so naive way has no clue why she is angering her mother to such an enraged state. And I’m sure quite frankly doesn’t care to understand. No, she simply continues on in her little Sophie land telling me that every option of food I make will not suffice her droning taste buds.
Finally now that worst has came to worse and I have envisioned tossing my child through mid air to gain some satisfaction back into my life, I butter up a piece of bread slap it on one of her plastic blue plates and slam it on the counter infront of her.
“No more arguing Soph, you eat this or don’t eat at all…I DON”T CARE!”
“Yummy! Bread and butter!” The glee the babe shows for a simple piece of bread and butter makes me want to hurdle myself through the air. We just went through all of this…For that?!
All I can conjure myself to say is one thing, and one thing only to the kid…
“You are something else Sophie; Something else.”
Photo Credit: Imagine The Image Photography