In many of my posts, I get comments stating that you admire my honesty about the stories I write. That I am so brave to be able to scroll down these embarrassing tales of leaking bodily fluids and unordinary tales of parenting, without the blink of an eye.
I so appreciate these comments and all of your involvement in The Blogging Mama. It sort of makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside…(Not in a weird way, l promise.)
The thing is, I would like to give you all a little glimpse at the woman behind the blogger. The woman that toils with thoughts of not adding up, and struggles with body image, and searches for that niche in this big scary place we call life.
Yes, I love to write. I assume you have all come that conclusion thus far. I am a dedicated Wifey and the children are my absolute everything. These are the facts I give out readily on The Blogging Mama.
What you don’t see, is that each time I post, fears of inadequacy rise up within me. I think of my lack of training and cannot imagine why anyone would want to read something written by…Well, me.
Each time someone captures a photo of me, I quietly obsess about the thought of whether or not that sordid double chin was in the shot…Did I look fat?
I worry about other parents judging me, and my somewhat unorthodox look at all things parental.
“Look at her, spending so much time on the computer and ignoring her children.” Is what I imagine the other parents; the better parents, saying.
I have always been a very self-conscious person, wishing fervently that I could simply toss away these insecurities and carry on oblivious to my quandaries of others judgments. I have although, gotten better with this as time has aged me.
Yet still hide behind the humor in words as a shield for my own self-doubts.
And I implore with strident force I do not pass these idiosyncrasies on to my children.
Even now, as I think of a way to end this draft, I imagine that you will take this as a pity post.
Feel sorry for me, like me, love me.
This is not my intention.
I have recently acquired a considerable amount of new readers on The Blogging Mama, new readers who do not know me on a personal level. I want to be able to connect with you, allow you into my world. The world beyond ‘The Mama’.
We as Mothers and Fathers obviously have our first priorities as parents. The children we are raising are the future generations, and this is not something to take lightly.
But, with that said, we are still human beings. People with dreams.
Writing has always been a deep passion for me; to write something, anything that compels even one person to read it.
The Blogging Mama has been a wish of mine before it was even a composed idea in the deep crevice of my psyche.
So today, I would like to thank you.
Thank you for reading and enjoying and without truly knowing it, helping me conquer so many insecurities that are buried strongly within these writings.
And in return to your beautiful interest in this blog, I will continue ardently to bind the parental condition together.
For you dear readers have helped me, more than you could ever know.