Parenthood Wants You!

Has the dullness of life caught up to you? Are you feeling the angst of boredom and the dreariness of everyday existence? Do you feign for something further…Something to put you on the map?

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If you answered YES to any of these questions, come on down to the One Stop Shop of (Drum roll please)

PARENTHOOD!!!

With Parenthood, you can expect a lifetime filled with excitement!

This excitement includes remarkable opportunities such as; The Plight of Pregnancy, followed by the oh so debonair adventure of childbirth, as well as sleepless nights…And if that wasn’t enough, the toddler years are sure to suffice!

The most astonishing part of Parenthood is that no education is required to participate. Whether you have spent hours upon hours researching this endeavour….

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Or you had a one night stand and forgot to protect your property…

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Parenthood could be waiting just around the corner.

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By means of Parenthood you will receive the opening to meet new and interesting parental friends…

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“Mothering is so wonderful, wouldn’t you say!?”

Greatly expanding your social network.

Without even realizing it, your educational breadth will be widened…

You will begin blogging about your adventures in Parenthood…By any means necessary.

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Although these perks of Parenthood may sound amazingly spectacular to the naked ear, be sure to understand the consequences before entering into this unknown enterprise.

  • You will be responsible for a life…A whole life!
  • If you enjoy partying and engaging in fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants moments, you may as well forgot that existence once your arms are filled with baby carriers and diaper bags.
  • The joyous moments of shindigs and show-downs will most definitely be replaced by Play groups and the reaching of milestones.
  • You will be responsible for a life…A whole life!
  • Your life…(And if you are a woman, body) will be changed in ways you could never imagine.
  • You will become worried beyond belief about things you’ve never even considered.
  1. College tuition
  2. Stranger Danger
  3. Unfamiliar smells in your children’s rooms
  4. The excrement in which your offspring produces (yep..you read that right)
  5. Will your pre-pregnancy yoga pants ever fit you again?
  6. *Just to name a few
  • Sexual intercourse may one day become a difficult undertaking. You will carry out this mission by placing a jar of Jellybeans in the living room, in an attempt to distract the litter in order to grant you the time to conclude your exploit. You hope to the high heavens it will work.
  • And of course… You will be responsible for a life…A whole life!

But with all this said, Parenting will edify things that childless life simply cannot;

Like how to take a stunning family picture…

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or…

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How to accept your new niche in life…

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And finally how the phrase, “I peed my pants” takes on a whole new acceptable meaning…

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Prior Children…
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Post Children…

So if you think you are ready, willing, and reliable enough to take on the tremendous and consuming venture of child rearing, come on down to Parenting Central!

Located in the boudoir  area of your home. No condoms or birth control necessary! Just good ol’ fashioned baby makin’. Where a life created is yours for the building…

 

No refunds available. Assure child raising is done with care and attentiveness as  this shit cannot be reversed.   Love, nurturing and respect required. Favoritism among individual offspring frowned upon. Spanking= Debatable matter, competitive nature among other parents expected, eventual rebellion ordinary, allow for advice from veteran parents.

Happy Lovin’  Y’all!

*Most Pictures located from Google Image*

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