November 25th 2008 10:00pm
“Don’t push Lindsay!”
Stop listening to every natural impulse your body is giving you. Don’t push. Your unborn child is in danger, if you push, disastrous things could happen. Don’t push.
Hold your breath, do whatever you need to, but for the love of God…Don’t push.
I woke up this morning to find a fresh layer of frost resting gently upon the rooftops. The sight made me realize that soon, the warm rays of summer sun will be gone and winter will be in full swing. And with this thought, comes the realization of things to come.
In only a few short months Lars will be tuning 5 years old. A sobering thought, to put it lightly.
I promise you I am not one of those mothers whom cry on the first day of school or feel melancholy when thinking of them growing up.
I welcome them to become the young people I am trying so fervently to raise. I welcome them to grow, mature and forever move forward. I don’t want them to stay young forever, I want to see what kind of humans they grow to become.
And sometimes, this…mentality, I suppose one could call it, tends to lose me. I forget to admire what they are now, and how far they have already come.
Don’t push, Lindsay.
I think back to when I was in labour with my son. It was long, it was hard…But isn’t it always? There was a moment in time, when we did not know if he would be okay; thank God for modern technology. Thank God for C-sections, Thank God for the doctors and nurses who saved us.
I won’t get into the story; not here, not now. But the reality that things got hairy has very much came to head as of late. I think about those days often, and it makes me appreciate this life with a novel admiration.
There are so many things I want these children of mine to be, to do, to experience. And I’ve seen how fragile life can truly be. I want to push them to become exactly what I envision them to be. Because I know they can achieve greatness.
What could be the harm? It is my love for them scorching through.
I know what they are capable of, so why not guide them towards that with a strong hold? An assurance that they will reach the goals I have imagined for them.
Nudge them, direct them; But never push.
They will grow on their own terms, with love and support they will flourish. They will become all that they are meant to become.
They will choose the path that is right for them. As humans of this place, that is their right, their choice.
As much as I possess to direct them into a future that I feel is necessary, I will only give them the tools to decide their own path.
Because in the end, that is the greatest gift I will ever give them.
For Yesterday, Today & Everyday Thereafter
Almost 5 years ago, a room full of medical practitioners screamed at me, not to push. And against all of my physical and mental instincts, I listened to them. I listened to them in order to preserve the safety of my child.
And today I am still listening…
Do Not Push