This morning I woke with the realization that I have a bad case of baby fever. Between the birth of my best friends baby, my brother and Ashley’s little nugget quick on the way and visits with little Hannah (my sister-in-laws 8 month old) I am surrounded with the idea that babies are the best thing since sliced bread.
In the last two days, I have been violently shoving my phone into random people’s faces showing off pictures of wee Emily Lynn. I continue to bother the new mother with requests for pictures of anything the little Jellybean is doing.
‘Send me a picture of her now…’ I will text my friend, and although I’m sure the sleep deprived mother is getting frustrated with the annoyance, she complies without argument.
The whole fiasco makes me think back to when my babes were infants. How at that time, I wished fervently that they would get to the age where they could play and move and become little people with little personalities…rather than newborns that only sleep, eat and poop.
Like all beautiful things in life, one doesn’t realize what they have overlooked until it is long in the distance behind them. And much to the same extent, we do not take the advice of others saying, “Appreciate them now, because they will not be this age forever” readily.
So this where I am at, I sit here typing away looking at my Lars and Sophie, daydreaming about a time when I would hold them, and they fit snuggly in the crook of my arm.
I am actually feeling so nostalgic that I attempt to crook Lars in this same position I did four years ago, it does not go over smoothly.
“What are you doing Mom?” the notion that he has started calling me ‘Mama’ less and less surfaces and sadness encompasses me.
“I just want to have a cuddle with my baby.” I say, trying to still sound kind of cool…It is a fail, let’s just face the facts now while we have everything out on the table.
“First of all Mom, I am NOT a baby. I’m a big boy. And, I don’t want to cuddle right now, I’m going to go build track, okay?”
Well there it is, my big boy is going to build train tracks, leaving his mother to sulk away whilst watching the formation of his edifice take place.
SOPHIE! Yes my little girl, she will want to have a little cuddle, she still loves to make me happy and let me treat her ‘baby-like’. (To indicate, I am outwardly cringing at the words I currently type.)
“Sooooophie Anne…Mama wants a cuddle, come here babe…” I use the utmost baby voice I can conjure up as we don’t voluntarily indulge in baby talk in this house; but today, today I feel there is a need for it.
“What, Mama?” At least she still calls me Mama…The ‘What’ part is causing me some anxiety though.
“Don’t you want to have a cuddle sweetie?”
Well, that’s my child, blunt and unaware of anyone’s feelings but her own. I decide not to press the issue, I don’t want them to think that cuddling is now going to become some sort of cruel punishment for them when Mother is feeling down.
No, instead of badgering them, I choose to watch them in their play.
I gaze at Lars while he creates this amazing train track with wooden and plastic pieces. He places them in great formations, coming up with architectural structures that I cannot say I would have even thought to do.
Sophie sits beside him, she watches him intently and every so often she looks upon him with awe and inspiration. She is literally looking up to him when she says, “I wuv you Yarsy.”
“I love you to Soph.”
The transaction of words happen so fast, and indiscreetly I would have very well missed it, hadn’t I been watching. But I was watching, and I witness this beauty between the two siblings.
It is then that I realize how much I appreciate the age they are now, and the marvellous individuals they have grown into since infancy.
Although I miss having cuddly babies of my own, I will not brood the issue. I will indulge in the new babes that come into my life from friends and family, and appreciate all of the small moments of my own growing children.
Because years from now, I will think back upon the days of the toddler and wish oh so badly that they could be 2 and 4 once again.