Currently there is an unforgivable smell of urine lingering in my living room. As hard as I may, the smell will not scrub away. I look at the home that I toil with daily to keep clean, and presently it rests in a state of upheaval.
Thoughts of financial stress have currently burdened my mind, forcing me to make some tough decisions.
I think of some of my unhealthy, bad habits, and the knowledge that I must give these things up is flagrant. Yet not even remotely on my list of things to do.
I have managed to gain ten pounds this fine summer, despite my moving more- in accordance with this busy schedule. Stress can do some amazingly horrid things to one’s body.
Writing has become a very, very secondary task in my life as of late. Between the heat, the schedule, the family visits and the house; there is simply no time to write. When I do type up a blog post, it comes to surface as superficial, stereotypical almost.
And to top everything off, I have been living the last few years with kidney issues. And unfortunately are, and always will be living on and off of antibiotics for infections that are inevitable….This though, is another story which I will write about- Sometime…If ever I am given the allowance to conjure up the words to write this story.
This morning I woke, with my husband on one side of me, my daughter snuggled closely on the other and my son atop the lower half of my legs (it still amazes me that he finds this a comfortable position to sleep in).
Instead of feeling perturbed by the sudden cramped sleeping quarters, I reveled in the condition. I woke up happy to be so close with my kids and husband and laid there for a few moments watching my sleeping family amidst me.
Like every other day of wakening, the thoughts which burden my mind came to head quickly, but I was able to push them aside this morning. And instead of rising frantically with lists of the tasks I must complete, I thought of the things that have already been achieved.
I thought of my kids, and that they are happy, healthy and well adjusted children. I thought about my husband and I, not of all of our short fallings but of our triumphs in these last 5 years together.
This morning I realized that life will pass by us regardless of our victories, regardless of our failings. And instead of keeping track to gage our success in this lifetime, merely participating is achievement enough.
Today as I madly try to rid the carpet of its pungent pee smell and take my antibiotics, and clean up for my in-laws upcoming visit, and vamp up my resume for job searching, I will not dwell.
Today I realize that this is all part of life, of growing up. Because growing up never truly ends.
Today I would like to call my morning thoughts of happiness and bliss an epiphany of sorts, although I don’t think it is. Again maybe a little to surfaced and stereotypical, but meaningful to me non-the-less.
Today, I will not worry about tomorrow. I will be with my kids, do what I can, and choose happiness over tension. Today I will make a change not only for my family, but for myself.