Sophie, Me and The Bee

The Bee; that strange little flying creature that wears its black and yellow suit oh so flatteringly.  Fluttering around, collecting nectar and allowing our beautiful summer flowers to pollinate into magnificence…All the while, having no idea what effect it is having on the humans it surrounds.

In my experience, there are three types of reactions you will find humans having when coming in contact with these airborne insects.

1. The Runner: When the individual spots the all too familiar markings of the bee, no matter how far away the thing may appear, they run. Their hands will fling up towards the chest  in a very unbecoming manner, let out a life altering bellow and begin their scurry to safety.

Whether it be, hiding behind some large mass that they assume is unknown to the bee or locking themselves in a car or simply moving strait towards a strangers house to rid themselves the risk of that oh so horrifying sting.

They will end their plight by telling the people who are calmly sitting watching the fiasco, ‘THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE! I’ve never been stung before…I could be allergic.’

2.  The Spectator: This type of person is calm…cool and oh so collected. Although, they do not want to be stung, because really who does? They even more so do not want to look like the weirdo who has been running up and down the block for 10 minutes claiming that there was a Bumble chasing them.

Although they come off as having their wits about them, they are truly trembling inside. They watch that bee with a fervent glare, and do not let the little bugger out of their sight.

Because deep down, just like the fear that jades ‘The Runners’ mind, they dread the thought of the buzzing insect getting so close it becomes tangled in their hair, stinging their already sunburnt scalp…or something of a similar effect.

So they watch, and wait and patiently will that Bee away.

3. The Motto Master: Any person of the Runner variety has more than likely heard hundreds of adages from this type of person…’Just stay still, and bee won’t bother you.’… ‘If you run, it will follow you.’… ‘If you ignore it, it will ignore you.’… ‘ It is more afraid of you, that you are of it.’

I’m sure The Motto Master is quite annoying to the person who is running for their ever lovin’ life from this killer bee, and even The Spectator who although is quiet, is blubbering like a baby inside…Regardless there is one of these people at any summer outing.

And they are masters at letting people know how to deal with this bothersome summer issue.

So, now that I have explained my take on human beings and their pollinating flying friends, I will begin my bee story.

And to clear things up if you were curious, I believe I am a number two…The Spectator.

AHEM…Here we go, it is going to be a little difficult to rehash this one, but I will try to sum up the best I can.

It is 3:30, the kids and I just arrived home from picking Lars up from school. We are tired and I am still trying to conjure up something to make for supper…A daily dreaded task if you ask me!

The kids bee-line (pun definitely intended) for the living room, while I make my way towards the kitchen to scrounge through my freezer for some grub.

I stop dead in my tracks. I begin to whimper a bit, because I know that there is no one to come to my aid and help my current concern that has so suddenly hammered down upon me. There is a bee…Not just any bee, a bee that must set a length of an inch and a half and fat to boot, sitting delicately atop my kitchen window screen.

My first thought is to grab the flower vase that sits to right of me and pummel it until all I can see is its juices streaming down the perforated pane.  But I figure Jamie would be a little upset if I were to ruin a perfectly good window panel over a not so teensy bee.

So I collect myself, I am a Spectator after all, I can deal with this…

Sophie enters

In a complete over reaction of stress and anxiety I say, “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, GET BACK TO THE LIVING ROOM! THAT BEE COULD STING YOU!!!!”

You see, I am a tad anxious when it comes to the kids and bees….since they have never been stung….And they could be…Hmmm I suppose this sounds slightly familiar. Maybe I am more of The Runner type than I thought.

Well I can tell you this much my friends, my two year old is the bravest kid I think I have ever seen!

She makes her way to the rooms pantry, grabs the fly swatter and proceeds  to boost up her 27 year old mother with this spiel,

‘Mama! We gunna get dat fwy (fly) We gunna get it and we gunna destroy it! No fwy get in our house and stay! We brave Mama…I brave, you brave…And Yarsy (Lars) brave…Right Yarsy?’

‘No I not Brave…I’m scared of the bee, I will just stay down here.’  Was the faint reply from the living room quarters, but the girl carried on her speech,

‘Well, I brave Mama, and you too!’ Then, the girl thrust her fly swatter trident into the air above her head and yelled with vigor, ‘LET’S GO GET DAT FWY MAMA!’

I don’t think I can even categorize this…Amazing, that is what this is….Awesomely Amazing!

Oh yes, and we totally got that fwy…(bee)

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