It has been just over six months that I have been writing The Blogging Mama, and as it seems, these posts, and the blogosphere in general have set in motion an irreversible path, nearing obsessive compulsive behavior. I have compiled a small list, explaining how the blogging phenomenon has begun to consume me.
1- Lack of indiscretion: Since beginning The Blogging Mama, its seems that the people I am closest to are hesitant to tell me anything; for fear I will post it. If someone does want to divulge something to my listening ear they first, in a very enunciated way, say, “I want to tell you something, but you have to promise not to blog about it!” In my defense the only really devastating thing I have wrote about in accordance to another person besides myself is , ‘Down on the Freeway of Cowboy Trail.’ I had permission, I swear.
2- Forethought Blogging: Yesterday, I looked death in the face, by traveling the horrendous snow covered roads of Alberta in my little green Tercel. The blizzard was fierce and I wrestled that steering wheel with a grapple I did not know was in me. I was beginning to be pulled into oncoming traffic by the freezing slushy heaps that had been forming on the highway, but recovered just before a quarter ton truck went whizzing by me, spewing brown half solid slush into my already sullied windscreen. I continued to my homebound destination and as my heart pumped wildly all I could think of was what wonderful blogging material this would make.
3- Statistic Blues: I don’t think I am alone on this one. I have read a few other posts about this affliction affecting fellow bloggers. And it is, without a doubt real. Sadness encompasses me when I go to my ‘stats page’ on WordPress and find that I have had no views, no visitors and no new individuals following. Even when I haven’t written a post in several days, I wonder ‘why?…Why has no one read my blog…why hasn’t someone reread something I have already posted?…Why oh why?’ I will then, in a very neurotic way, continue to check my stats page every few hours to see if this lack of readers has altered.
4- Statistic Euphoria: This goes hand in hand with the previous. When I type in my password to log myself onto WordPress, I will check out what is new and exciting on my Reader (for all of you non WordPress users, this is a list of posts from other bloggers that I follow.) I then will go to my Stats page, and low and behold I will have Views and Visitors a plenty. If I am really lucky I will get a orange glowing box in the top right hand corner of my screen, this means a new like or comment from some individual in the blogging community! Oh how my soul crams with thrill when I see that orange blaze amidst the blue and white background of the screen!
5- Psychosis behaviour: A while ago I attempted to post a blog with several pictures of the kids playing at the park. Easy enough task I imagined, as I see many other bloggers do it on a daily basis. So there I am uploading pic’s and writing blurbs for each one. I think I have them in a suitable fashion, but when I publish the post, the entire layout is skewed and looks like total gibberish. The writings for certain pictures have been placed in the wrong area of the post, some pictures did not show up at all, and I am nearing hysterics. My husband who is on his way out the door for work, must have been terrified to leave the children with me…The crazy lady who is screaming obscenities at the computer screen in a non-sensible fashion, as if the machine would magically fix the issue as a result of my irate nature.
6- Exaggerated Embellishment: As I have stated before, I really really enjoy beautifying stories. Simply put, I like to overstate accounts of my life. I have always done so, from the time I was a very young child and told my best friend I was born weighing in at half a pound soaking wet. Or when I informed the same friend that my Grandfather would fall into a catatonic sleep mid way through a story…I chalk it up to being a bona fide story teller. The Blogging Mama gives me the opportunity to truly employ this endowment of mine. And I use it readily.
7- Termi-blog-ogy: A few days ago, my 4 year old son woke up in the early hours of the morning, and saw that I was on the computer writing. Instead of insisting that I get him cereal and juice, he said; “Oh you blogging Mama?… When you done, get me cereal?” Enough said. (Now you’re wondering if this is yet another one of my famous embellishments.)
Finally my last hint that I’ve blogged too far, is that I can write down an entire list of strange and satiric reasons stating so, yet I don’t have the slightest urge to stop. So here will continue, the whispering of others behind my back in fear I will hear a tidbit, exaggerate the hell out of it, then post for all to see. The trepidation of the Stats page and what kind of depression or elation it will bring. As well as the erratic behaviour I exhibit when my computer illiterate self cannot comprehend the easiest of technological tasks. My children will grow up telling their teachers and friends that Mama is a ‘Blogger’ and I am okay with that, because I’m sure it will make for some great material to write with in the future. Here’s to blogging!