“I Pee Now!” A Tale About Toilet Training

Any parent can tell you stories upon stories of the tilted rollercoaster which is potty training. A day in which parents look forward to from the first time they get that gooey puddle of  feces shot up into their face from that oh so blameless infant.

With Lars I was way to overzealous in attempting to train, I had him sitting on that potty at 8 months old, bound and determined to have him trained by a year. I know many have indeed had their kid trained by this age, but my thoughts on this delicate subject are; every child is different, let them set the path. We thought we were in the clear and diaper free with Lars when he was about two and a half. No. Such. Luck.  By three and a half we figured we had conquered his regression and again I was drinking a bottle of Champaign to congratulate myself on a job…done in regards to toilet training the boy. Now at 4 years old he is actually trained, but still has the occasional accident.

I told myself that with Sophie I would wait until she was showing signs of needing to be trained. Why put myself through the emotional ups and downs if I don’t have to, I thought. Well today was the day. Jamie had taken Lars out, so it was a girls day at home with Sophie. I was on WordPress  looking at the newest hot topic blogs and the girl was watching Bubble Guppies or something like that. I glance over at her to see  her diaper is sitting neatly on the floor. She is holding the pink Tupperware container that previously held her fruit snacks in it, below her crotch region and attempting to pee in the thing.

“What are you doing!” My voice is sharp but I can’t help but laugh at the scene which would probably disgust anyone who has not been subjected to this kind of state of affairs.

“I pee.” Her retort is simple, poetic almost.

“Okay well let’s try and pee on the potty then.” I grab my naked bum baby and carry her to the toilet where I strap on the training seat and try to perch her atop. It was going to be more difficult than I thought, as her legs stiffened up to a shocking condition and each time I held her over the contraption her body would plainly not bend in the right way to place her on. I explained to the two year old that if she wants to pee on the potty she would have to first sit on it. Finally with a little creativity and a lot of effort I have her sitting on the pot like a champ.

“okay sweetie, go pee now.” I wait.

“I pee now?”

“Yep, do you have to go?”

“I pee now?”

“Well do you have to go?”

“I go! I pee!” Despite her enthusiasm, nothing.

“Do you feel like you have to pee baby girl?” a fleeting look of defeat crosses the girls face when she realizes after me saying this last statement that she didn’t actually urinate. But fortitude prevails and she responds  to me in a bullish tone,

” I pee now!” Nothing.

“How about I turn the tap on, that might help you.” I turn the sinks faucet on and sort of begin to feel like I should be peeing.

“It no work…” Sophie then lifts her arms up for me to pick her up.

“It’s okay sweetie, we can try again later.” I grab the girl and am holding her in front of me while I make our way to her room when she says,

“I pee now” and does pee all over me and herself.

It wasn’t irritation or annoyance that overcame me in that moment. it was pure satisfaction. Sophie had acknowledged that she had to pee in that instant and did. Obviously we have a lengthy and taxing road ahead of us, hence why I opted not to redo our floors until after the kids were potty trained. I would like to say I am excited to not have to be constantly lugging around diapers, wipes and cream everywhere I go, but the prospect still seems too far away. For right now I will take solace in small victories and be prepared  for when I hear the phrase, “I pee now!”

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