The Dreaded Household Appliance

It was a calm morning in the Brown household. The kids still resided snuggly in their beds at a shocking 7:30 A.M. I was enjoying my tea while creeping around on FaceBook, and Jamie engaged in his usual routine of unloading the dishwasher before the coffee was finished perking. This is when the serenity flew swiftly out the window and the rage of the dreaded household appliance moved in.

“God Damn dishwasher rack came off the roller again.”  I hear a near crash and then some more swearing to follow. It was an ongoing issue that had been terrorizing us for months now. Although the solution of calling the manufacturer and ordering the necessary part did not completely allude us, we opted for the much more frustrating option of Jimmy Riggin’ the hell out of the thing and hoping for the best. The top rack, which usually held glasses, mugs, and anything plastic,  continued to come off its hinge resulting in almost everything on the top frame smashing heinously onto the bottom contents.  As soon as I hear my husband’s angered voice, I dash to his assistance. I too have been in this predicament, not even 24 hours ago.

“Just slip it back on, while I hold it…”

It just won’t go!”

“Well force it!” I begin screaming at my husband who is trying to do his best. The stressfulness and urgency of the situation was taking hold of me. We need to get this rack attached to its place of origin before the whole thing falls apart and dishes come crashing down around us. Finally with a lot of force and little forethought we avoided our calamity and were back at square one.

“Well that was a close one!” And with that our half ass fixed dishwasher remained in its state of application limbo.

The day continues on as most days do, my son Lars goes to school, Sophie is napping and Jamie is at work. I am trying urgently to get caught up on the mass quantities of laundry that are piling up, when I realize how long it is taking for my dryer to dry the clothes. Hmmm I think, what could the possible reasoning for this be. I take a look at the vent, clear. pull the mighty machine out of its crook in the wall and continue to examine it. What I am looking for, god only knows. I do not have a ‘fix it’ bone in my body, this is for certain. I spot the ventilation hose from the back of the dryer. It makes its way into a hacked out hole in the wall and continues on to our basements crawl space. Maybe, just maybe this is my problem, perhaps the hose is not vented out properly. I will take my chances, shuffle into the spider infested crawl space to investigate this hoses conviction.

The area in which I had to reside for this mission was not pleasant, but turning back at this point was not an option. These clothes needed drying. I spotted the ventilation tube, it came out of the wall and laid lifeless  on the floor then traveled up towards the ceiling and ran a 12 foot length, where it finally vented outdoors. The area in which the hose was on the ground was my intended destination, it was going to be difficult as the space to move around was limited. As soon as I entered the subjects vicinity, I knew something was awry. The floor under the venting hose was damp so obviously, without deliberation, I blindly  moved in. I unscrewed the hose from the back of the dryer, which proved difficult in itself as I was working through that hacked up hole in the wall. My real trouble didn’t come until I got the hose off and was suddenly drenched in a cataract of aged water and lint, believe me when I tell you, the combination is not pleasant. Well this isn’t right, I thought to myself. Luckily I had some old rags in that very crawl space so I tapped off the remaining irrigate and mopped up the mess that had already been made. I drained everything out, which turned out to be a considerable amount of liquid, then proceeded to use my hand/arm to reach up into the hose and remove all of the caked on soggy lint that clearly was inhibiting the dryers efficiency.  I’m not quite sure what happened or why, but I will tell you this, my dryer has never worked better!

Oh my beloved bedtime. Those sheets are calling me and I am ready. Just to brush my teeth and into bed I go. Time to get some R&R, much deserved and needed.  As I am brushing I notice the sink not draining properly, we have been having some issues with it clogging. I continue on scrubbing, this can be a fix it job for tomorrow. Then when I think I am in the clear, I discharge the last of the toothpaste out of my mouth and into the sink full of toothpaste water, when the spit wad recoils back towards my face and as if in a deliberate shift, lands directly into my left eyeball. The burning sensation is flagrant. bedtime has never looked so good.  Image

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